BREAKING: The Sasquatch that lives in the broom closet has taken the kitchenette hostage and has threatened to “Eat all the snacks” after discovering future plans to actually print copies of The Macaroni Report instead of just hosting them online. After sending in (and losing) several newer interns and people from the mail room, we managed to get in contact with the Sasquatch. He stated that we were “Going to obliterate the environment” with our paper copies as we couldn’t afford to use anything but lead based ink. We eventually came to the resolution that the Sasquatch would not eat all the snacks and return back to the broom closet if in return we only printed flyers once a month with non-lead based ink.
-Senior Executive 3
We would like to note that we did not call the police because they now no longer respond to our calls thanks to a certain group of junior interns calling the police several times over [over] a fight between a boiler room engineer and a mail room editor.