Shock: You hear a scream
Terror: You hear a thud
Various Gasping Sounds: You rush into the bathroom, only to find the random stranger in your home has slipped and fallen in your shower and is now apparently dead.
- Think you are alone? Fret not dear reader, this is not some horror story but a sad truth. 6,000 lives per year are lost to accidents caused by falls, two thirds of which happen in your very bathroom dear reader. When the math is done right by a wondrous calculator that number reaches 3,960 lives a year lost to the seditious shower and or tub. You the people must know this, as we at the Macaroni report know you read our beloved paper in the john, the loo, the outhouse, the artist formally know as prince, a.k.a the bathroom. And dear reader we plea with you, do not give into the showers evil scheme, it wants to kill you. You saw Psycho, it was no the man who ended that women wife, no it was malicious shower. It led her there, with its promises of cleanliness and soothing running waters! Do not be fooled dear readers, you have no doubt heard the saying “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”, this is propaganda spread by none other then the showers! Do not listen to their fiendish lies dear readers, for you could be a slip and a fall away from your doom.
We at the Macaroni highly suggest never showering again. After all if it worked for those in ancient times it can work for us. Remember showers kill, and they like to, too.
Thank you for reading today’s Public Service Announcement, remember we are here for you.