Scientists finally destroy pollution anomaly using science

Sometime around October a strange anomaly formed over Greene County. This anomaly was a sort of bubble that prevented most rain and snow storms from entering the Greene County region and was most certainly the cause of the unusually dry and moderate winter that we’ve been having so far, as well as the deflection of massive snow storms that were predicted to have a near 100% chance of hitting Greene County. This “bubble” was also the cause of “snow, snow everywhere but not a flake to see” effect that many people have been experiencing where their phones were reporting that it was infact snowing all around them, but upon inspection, not a flake could be found. After consulting intern no. 26, the intern department’s local home grown scientist, he had this to say: “Yes, I will admit that this bubble has been nothing but an absolute mystery to me and pretty much all other scientists I can think of. Clearly however the only reasonable cause is pure witch magic as is often practiced in the mountains of this region. I would also like to announce that my ‘DIY Science Degree’ is up for renewal so if anyone would like to be my reference, that would be nice”. Later we met a real scientist named Joe Shmoemanson who says that the bubble was “likely the result of burning fuel additives in atvs of the region”. He also notes that despite popular opinion, a mix of Sierra Mist and Redbull is not infact a fuel additive and is more likely to burn a hole in the ozone than Freon.

The giant anomaly was finally destroyed after the collective efforts of 300 local scientists were put to the test when they tested their massive “laser pointer ray”, which is just a massive collection of laser pointers from all the local offices and STAPLES they could find wired to one button. Although the laser point assembly is assumed to have destroyed the anomaly, it is not 100% confirmed that it did. Some at the site of the ray claim that in reality the anomaly removed itself after feeling sorry for the futile efforts of the scientists. Whatever the reason, most of the scientists here agree that the laser ray is excellent for administering instant tans.

-Intern No. 47

Scientists finally destroy pollution anomaly using science

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