Environmental Conspiracy spreading panic around the world

We have recently discovered a secret conspiracy being spread by the maniacs in the Environmental sector of Greenville High School, after the Sasquatch began a series of what were clearly brainwashed ramblings about the world ending. According to said conspirators, the world is in danger from human pollution and ill management. We would like to get ahead of the curve here and remind viewers that such allegations are completely illogical. As we all know, people are much too intelligent to blindly destroy their home, and the world is as healthy now as it was 20 years ago. The conspiracy has also declared that the earth is older than humanity itself, beginning 4.5 billion years ago, and that it is our duty to protect it. Obviously this is a lie, as we live in the year 2016, which is clearly not as much as 4.5 billion. Therefore we have decided that the conspirators are both either completely mad, or time travelers from the future who accidentally came back in time. We urge the public to remain calm, despite the fact that the recent actions of our president, suggest that he too believes these wild allegations. We suspect that many of our candidates in this current election have also been infected, and suggest supporting the one man who is firm in his stand against the conspiracy. So before we depart Donald Trump for president 2016.

-Intern #670

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Environmental Conspiracy spreading panic around the world

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