At last, after many pleas from the pitiful masses of Greenville High School, we have officially founded Greenville’s first board game club. However, in order to prevent an influx of applications from everyone and their uncle Joe, the club advisor (Mr. Drumma) has stealthily disguised this club by calling it “Mastermind’s Club”, in the hopes of tricking people into thinking that they need an IQ of 140 or higher to join. But don’t be fooled by this trickery! In actuality, everyone and their uncle Joe can join. But they don’t tell you that! In an exclusive interview, we learned that this close knit group sits around a table and plays board games every Wednesday, while occasionally visiting other schools in the district to eat their delivery pizza, drink their cheap bargain-brand soda, and generally do pretty much nothing at all. “It’s great,” says one member, who gave his name as Reagan. “I shout out stupid answers all the time, and no one ever judges me. Well, not much anyway.” “Really, it’s awesome.” said another member, entitled Venice. “I love pizza. That’s pretty much it.”
This board game club is not just your average board game club. They are also known for their foul language, as when they are in session, shouts of “smart-ass!” and “Dumb-ass!” can be heard throughout the halls. They have a rare artifacts division, which has worked to acquire prehistoric artifacts in the hopes that they can sell them off and acquire money to buy their team sweatshirts and more pizza. Their greatest prize is an ancient creation known as 1970’s Trivial Pursuit, which seems to be written in some unknown lost language. It is said that only Mr. Drumma is able to interpret this mysterious writing system and actually answer the questions.
So, next time you hear minor swear words shouted throughout the halls and find bargain brand soda bottles littering the floors, do not instantly assume that the source is the juvenile delinquents who serve lunch detention with Mr. Tyrrell. Instead, perhaps you should assume that it is the juvenile delinquents who are busy peppering Mr. Drumma with old people jokes and stealing pizza from Duanesburg.