We at the Macaroni have come to the conclusion after hard work and studious studying that you, our readers eat food and drink various liquids. The lovely coincidence is that we at the Macaroni also eat food and drink various liquids, and we have come to notice that our government has provided dates on these substances.
There is a malicious rumor going around that these dates are on their to warn you, the reader that you must eat/drink these substances before this dates comes and goes. We must warn you that this is a malicious lie, concocted by the evil showers (see Public Service Announcement #1) .
Now we at the Macaroni report are not 100% sure what these dates are for, but they sure aren’t for your safety. Several of our own interns tested were caught eating and or drinking 50 year old powered milk mixed with ketchup and what may or may not be an original pizza hut pizza. We checked and these “Expiration Dates” were way past due, and none, we repeat none of our interns were found deceased for at least five days.
So the current theory having been thoroughly debunked , we at the Macaroni feel we have a much more plausible theory. We believe that all these dates can be solved for the next lottery ticket. Simply take any date on some eatable substance, add all the numbers together, then take that number multiply by 7, divide that number by 42 then take the cotangent of the known number of molecules on Leo Tolstoy’s left nostril, and finally subtract the pie multiplier of the number of mermaids seen in the past month.
Using this infallible formula, Expiration Dates will forever grant you never ending money and never give you indigestion.
Remember the Macaroni is here for you