Mass Funeral / News

A mass funeral will be held today at some place and time that isn’t here or now for the collective emotions and desire-not-to-go-school of the students of the Greenville Central School District. Food and drinks will be provided afterwords but attendees are asked to leave their cans in the recycling bin so that they may be redeemed. The money from said cans will be used to fund a new vacation in the middle of some painfully long month in the future. All are encouraged to attend.

If you are feeling terribly sad at this announcement, we have good news for you reader! Now that schools back in session, so is The Macaroni Report! We’ve finally managed to pack all our intern’s bags into the back of a staff member’s mini-cooper and travel back to the offices, in something resembling one piece. Company vacations are great eh?

-Senior Executive No. 4

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Mass Funeral / News

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