If you’ve visited the Greenville Central School district recently (read: today), you’ve probably noticed the ongoing background hum resembling about a million angry wasps (or bees if you were particularly stupid). The truth is that there was not, infact, a million flying stinging insects within the school somewhere, but rather the large array of dehumidifiers and weird floor sucking things that were put in place to contain results of a failed attempt at creating an ice rink for the hockey unit that was scheduled to begin today (2/22/2016).
The incident started on Friday when one gym teacher thought that it would be an excellent idea to create an ice rink for the upcoming hockey unit for their gym classes. Armed with nothing but a hose and keys to the hallways connecting to the outdoors, the gym teacher admitted to filling the entirety of the Greenville Highschool gym with water to the point where not even Moses could part it. Knowing that if the floor was not de-flooded soon it would buckle the gym teacher quickly moved to open all the doors to the freezing cold that was outside. A short while later the gym was ~10 degrees f. and as a result all of the water froze. “Mission accomplished!”, the gym teacher thought. After locking all the doors once more, the gym teacher left the building and head home. Unfortunately for the gym teacher, they were not aware that even the hilariously broken heating system that Greenville is famous for was capable of realizing that something was wrong when a large portion of the building moved to below freezing. Subsequently it kicked into full force and roasted the entire building to a molten 1200 degrees f.
Come this morning the administrators of Greenville CSD discovered after unlocking the school that there was a flood within the school second only to the tsunamis that plagued southern Asia in 2004. The dehumidifiers and floor sucky things have been put up to deal with the water since then.
-Intern No. 87