It’s no secret to the general populous that the ever money hungry GCS School District takes every possible opportunity to bring students into school when the schools surrounding district are delayed in order to receive the most amount of federal funding possible, but what if there was something more sinister to it? What if it was more SINISTER? WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES IN THE LUNCH ROOM?!?! The truth is, as our in depth 58 second investigation has found, that the school has a secret pact with local rain boot manufacturers. The way it works is that every time the school would normally be delayed, the district keeps it open. Then as a result, everyone goes out and buys boots so that they can march through the slurry of snow and rain. This in turn leads to boat loads (the roads for the money trucks was flooded) of cash flowing into the boot company’s pockets. They then in turn give a percentage of the profit to the cash-strapped school who also gets federal funding for being open. ITS SO CRAZY EVIL THAT SOME OF OUR INTERNS CRIED READING THIS!
But not only is there one evil plan in action, but two! The school also cut a deal with the umbrella companies too! IS THERE NO LIMIT TO THEIR EVIL?
Remember loyal readers, The Macaroni Report is always here to alert you of evil plots and dastardly lizards so read on!
-Intern No. 67