World Famous Quiz Night Event Comes to Greenville, still no one shows up

Following the resent invasion of the satanic worshippers known as the Masterminds, Greenville decided to actually prepare for a future invasion by these hideous demons. In order to prep for future attacks, they created an “after-school event” known as Quiz Night, and decided to do extensive advertising, even going so far as to bribe students into coming (rumor has it that Greenville first published a series of books, including Brainiac-Fighting 101, How to Become Intelligent, and Stopping Satanic Rituals and Illuminati Ceremonies For Dummies. However, due to low sales and possibly illuminati black mail, these books were forced off the market).

However due to some unexplained relapse of the sudden temporary deafness syndrome (STD syndrome) across nearly the entire campus, most Greenvillians missed hearing the advertising blaring across the announcements for nearly a month. The end result was that by the time the sign-up deadline had arrived, only three teams had signed up for the event. The former Board Game Club advisor, Mr. Drumma, was forced to offer bribes in order to rapidly scrap together more teams.

Come the night of the event, and everything was madness. A flock of overweight “unikitties” managed to get inside the event, and devoured all the ice cream before the contestants could get there in time. Some mysterious men who identified themselves as the “Kung Fu Foo Fighters” had apparently mistaken the event for a mixed-martial arts tournament, and proceeded to break chairs over their heads and yell in Japanese. One team apparently decided that either A.) Donald Trump or B.) Harry Styles was the answer to every question. A group of Donald Trump supporters spent the entire time trying to run nonstop propaganda, namely, that “the climate is excellent.” One bystander (there was literally only one bystander) even claims to have seen a group of “Quizzlamic Extremists” attempting to poison the nacho cheese (little did the extremists realize that the students of Greenville had been building up natural immunity to most poisons for years, by ingesting the lethal substance known as the Greenville “Burrito”).

The end results were as follows:     First place prize of fifty dollars went to the Kung Fu Foo Fighters, though it was just given to them so that they would stop destroying school property. They are believed to have spent their winnings on a now wildly popular Japanese cat collecting game called Neko Atsume.      Second Place prize of twenty-five dollars went to the Obese Unikitties, who promised to spend their winnings on more food (no surprise).       Third Place prize of fifteen dollars went to the Not Your Average Joes. Some interns believe that the Not Your Average Joes were in actuality average people named Joe wearing disguises of fancy socks and fake sunglasses. At least one intern believes that the Not Your Average Joes were in actuality members of the lizard NHS illuminati disguised as average people named Joe wearing disguises of fancy socks and fake sunglasses.

We here at the Macaroni Report strongly advise you that when next year’s Quiz Night rolls around, you take the opportunity to attend it and learn how to defend yourself in the event that the Masterminds return to Greenville. Or more importantly, attend it so that you get free food.

-Kitchenette Intern

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World Famous Quiz Night Event Comes to Greenville, still no one shows up

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