The Macaroni Awards: Part 1

With the airing of the Oscars last night (contrary to popular belief, the Oscars have no relation to Oscar Meyer Wieners), what is known as awards season has officially come to a close. Or has it? It has not! For, luckily for you , the Macaroni Report is running its first annual Macaroni Awards!!! This prestigious awards show does not focus on movies (we already perfectly predicted the Oscar results anyway). Rather, we give awards out to whatever the hell we feel like giving them out too. Please enjoy the first part of the Macaroni Awards.

Our award for Best Superhero goes to Aquaman, for being the absolute best.

The award for Best Presidential Candidate goes to… no one. We here at the macaroni report feel that they honestly all suck (though Mr. Trump sucks a little more than the rest) and will not nominate anyone. Surprisingly there were a few candidates we actually considered for this prestigious award, namely, Vermin Supreme, Limberbutt McCubbins, and Deez Nutz.

The award for Most Likely to get Assassinated in 2016 goes to, unsurprisingly, Donald Trump. We’re expecting to see some outraged tweets from his furious runner-up, Kanye West, in the next few days. (#macaroniawardssowhite)

The award for Least Shocking Scandal goes to Rachel Dolezal for *gasp* not being black.

Following a unanimous vote by the Macaroni staff, the winner of Most Likely to Secretly be a Lizard Person goes to Mr. Albright.

The winner of the Best Meme award is Philosoraptor. Sorry Pepe the Frog, but you’re just too creepy.

The winner of Best Chimpanzee Impersonation was given to presidential candidate Ted Cruz. However, shortly after the decision, his title was stripped, as one of the executives realized that Ted Cruz was not actually doing a chimpanzee impression, and that is just what he looks like.

And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our most prestigious award, the Most Awesome Thing Ever award goes to … for the first year in a row, the Macaroni Report!!! In fact, the Macaroni Report swept the night, also acquiring awards for Best Source of News, Best Entertainment, and Best Maroon Report Parody/Satire/Ripoff.

If you’re anxious to hear about more awards, never fear! This is only a fraction of the awards we have to offer, so come back in the next few days to see the next few awards, including the exciting Worst Desperate Cult Recruitment Offer Ever and Best/Least-Disgusting School Lunch awards!

-Kitchenette Intern

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The Macaroni Awards: Part 1

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