Breaking News: It has come to our attention that there are a select few in Greenville who believe that our current state of weather is “good” and these same people say that the climate is “excellent”. In order to prove their point, they have resorted to accessorizing with mankind’s worse nightmare: socks with sandals. Oh the horrors that have plagued our school! It seems as though every week there is a new pandemic, be it the common cold, or the terrifying new disease which can only be described as “Jazz Hands Fever”. We advise all students to steer clear of any and all socks and sandals alike, and to report any mixture of the two to the authorities so those infected can be properly quarantined. If the authorities do not pick up (which happens more often than not), we advise you to take the law into your own hands and rip those sandals off and feed them to your nearest furnace dragon. We’ve already had to lay off 5 interns who were caught red-footed, but we fear this disease has already spread throughout our regular offices. All healthy interns have been relocated to the broom closet, and haven’t had any access to food or water in days, but I’m sure they are doing fine.
– Mail Room Chief Executive Officer