FEATURE: Macaroni Report Intern Released from Jail

We here at the Macaroni Report are pleased to announce that one of our most controversial writers has been released from jail after serving a one week sentence for not being funny. Intern 248 sat down with your correspondent to talk about the situation.

“My time in jail was lonely, I was in the most minimal security facility mostly because my crime just confused the CO’s” Intern 248 recalls. He says he is a “changed man” and has rediscovered the path of being funny. No longer will Intern 248 attempt to land jokes on the irreverent Reverend in cell block D. He will stop trying to get the handsome CO’s to chuckle by telling them they could do better in marriage. No, Intern 248 is going back to the basics by poking fun at the three things everyone finds hilarious: race, gender, and religion.

“In jail, the food is subsidized, the education is free, and the visits are way too long,”  our intern complained. “I just want to go back to paying way too much for coffee and donuts: shelling out tax dollars for  teacher salaries; and being alone, so alone…”

A noted subversive, Intern 248 is glad he beat the game and received no parole as he continues his crusade for 75/25% legit news (the 25% is the legit news). Intern 248 also ironically described his trip to jail as a bucket list item.

“All of my favorite writers spent time in jail. I figured if I were to be anything like them I would have to work hard to developed a delinquent behavior.”

As for his crime, Intern 248 is just as confused as you are dear reader. Not being funny enough is certainly frowned upon at the Macaroni Report but its hardly worthy of a felony. Unfortunately, the police have an ever stronger presence in the comment section of this periodical. Because humor is the unwritten 28th amendment, the jailing of killjoys, fun-suckers, and Debby Downers is strictly a constitutional issue.

Intern 248 blames watching too much Jim Gaffigan and listening to the BBC for his slump of un-funny-ness. He was simply surrounding himself with too many unfunny sources of social commentary.

“Ever since Trevor Noah replaced John Stewart on the Daily Show the world has all felt a little less funny,” Intern 248 says. Nevertheless, we are very happy to have Intern 248 back and are eager to hear who he goes after next.

-Intern 673

 

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FEATURE: Macaroni Report Intern Released from Jail

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