As you all are hopefully aware of, there is a place at the end of the 8th-grade hallway known as the “Kingdom of Tyrrell”. In this kingdom, the sorcerer named Tyrrell rules the land, spewing health facts and sarcasm around all day. But our research interns have found something very interesting; it seems that the sorcerer is retiring! That’s right folks, Tyrrell is retiring! Many people have questioned why he hasn’t retired sooner, and we at the macaroni report have come up with a reason on why he hasn’t retired sooner and why he has been at the school for so long. And no it is not because he is “healthy”…….. it is actually because he brews special life potions which allow him to teach another semester of health. However, he is retiring because he finally ran out of potions, which means he will begin to age again after all those years. Alas, he will be missed, for the sorcerer has done many great things in our school (his greatest achievement was when he used his magic to make the boys basketball team actually good and win more than 2 games). For those of you who have not stepped foot in the Kingdom of Tyrrell, I bid you a huzzah and an apology, for you may never have to do the dreaded “personality paper”, but you will miss out on the amazing sass that is the sorcerer Tyrrell.
boiler room intern #56