At last, part 2 of the glorious Macaroni Awards has arrived! Now you can find out about all those awards that you never really cared about, but that we’re going to pretend that you cared about anyway.
The award for Best/Least Disgusting School Lunch goes to the wraps from the snack bar. We wouldn’t recommend trying anything that they serve on the lunch line if we were payed $10.95.
The award for Worst Desperate Cult Recruitment Offer Ever goes to the KKK, who are attempting to gain recruits by offering them free t-shirts. This defies all logic because 1.) anyone who actually thinks that a free t-shirt is a good way to get people to join a white supremacy cult is an idiot (unless by some rare chance you happen to be on that TV show Extreme Couponing) and 2.) the whole point of the KKK is that they are a secret organization, so what member would want to advertise their allegiance on a crappy t-shirt?
The award for Best Conspiracy goes to the NHS illuminati conspiracy, because it is the only one that is actually true.
The award for Best Supposedly Mythical Creature goes to the Furnace Dragon. Sorry mutant bat people, we guess you’ll have to wait until next year. (Editor’s Note: We most certainly did not give this award to the Furnace Dragon just so he would stop eating our interns).
Best Fast Food Chain goes to Arby’s, for the fact that they have awesome fried chicken. Worst Fast Food Chain goes to McDonald’s for attempting to advertise their playground for children by putting out a giant cutout of the world’s creepiest clown, who we’re pretty sure is a cousin of Pennywise.
The award for Worst Conspiracy goes to the Broom Closet Sasquatch, as his ramblings about the environment are obviously sheer bull-crap and make no sense, seeing as the world is only 2,016 years old.
We attempted to elect winners for the Best Intern and Best Macaroni Report Article, but following the vote in which everyone voted for themselves, there was a massive blowout in the Mail Room second only to the destruction by the Harlem Wizards. One maniac (who may or may not be intern #347) even put on a certain stolen hockey mask on and attempted to use a certain stolen golden stapler to blind the other interns. However, the group was able to unanimously decide on the winner (?) of the Worst Intern award, intern #248, for just being plain not funny.
And thus ends an amazing season of Macaroni Awards. Come back next year to find out one of two things: either we’ll have another great bout of Macaroni Awards , or we’ll have been shut down months ago for writing too many offensive things about the teachers.