Today, as I am sure you are aware, is International Women’s Day. A day we here at the Macaroni Report cherish because of its historic roots in the Soviet Socialist movement. If you are like our entire staff and you have male genitalia, you’re probably wondering, “when is International Men’s Day?” Well that day, dear reader, is literally every other day of the year. So, International Women’s Day is more than a celebration of females but a time to reflect on how terrible we men are. Tomorrow, we will go about our manly business forgetting that this holiday even existed so today thank a woman or do whatever the hell your supposed do on International Women’s Day.
The fact that we at the Macaroni Report have an all male staff is not a blemish on our otherwise progressive record. Rather, we pride ourselves on the fact that we pay everyone equally (mainly because no one here gets paid). But let us assure you, if a woman were to join our staff, she would not be paid either. In fact, at today’s rates, women should be paying us to join.
At this point in my article, I now realize what the intention of an International Women’s Day is. It is to get men to shut up about a “woman’s place” in society. So I’ll leave it at that and conclude with a quote from my fellow man Joseph Conrad:
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.” -JC