Greenville Gym Teachers decide Sports are too strenuous, have class take walk instead

Following amazing plots among the Greenville gym department to create an ice rink and a mountain farm out of our gym, the gym department has finally turned their eyes to fixing the laziness/not exercising epidemic in the township of Greenville (which may or may not be their actual job). After months of planning, these teachers have come up with the ultimate plan for healthy living, second only to Michelle Obama’s highly successful strategy to get kids to eat healthy. This plan has decided that kids are just not into boring sports, which will cause them to sweat too much and smell, and requires the teachers to keep score, which involves the dreaded math. Instead, the gym teachers will have their classes walk. Yes that’s right, in gym class we just walk now.

Yesterday, the teachers began this rigorous exercise routine. However, by some unlucky chance, that day happened to be the super-official-gym-teacher-skip-day, so instead these teachers conscripted poor math teacher Mr. Evans to supervise this walk. Kids were forced to walk in circles with no destination in mind. The absolute boredom on each kid’s face was so apparent that Mr. Evans would have cried, had he not had his tear ducts removed.

So you see, never again do you have to worry about the “obesity epidemic” reaching Greenville, because your tax dollars are thankfully going to a program which will pay for expensive sports equipment, than have kids walk in circles instead.

-Kitchenette Intern

 

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Greenville Gym Teachers decide Sports are too strenuous, have class take walk instead

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