Corridor Conversation: Music, Movies, and Macaroni

In this new, totally original section of The Macaroni Report, I’ll sit down and chat with people around the office about various topics, and give you the most interesting tidbits. For this first article of this section, creatively dubbed “Corridor Conversation,” I finally left the Mail Room and talked with members of the Macaroni Report about their favorite music, movies, and macaroni. Here’s some of what they had to say.

What’s your favorite song, or your favorite artist? What genre of music do you enjoy the most?

“My favorite song… are you writing this down? Are you just gonna write everything I say?”

–Mail Room CEO

“My favorite song is definitely the Muppets Rainbow Song, and if you have never heard this song, than you need to fix this problem immediately and find it online.”

–Kitchenette Intern


“Genre of music? Most certainly Word Jazz, pioneered by the great Ken Nordine. Just can’t get enough of a guy talking over saxophone, you know?”                         

–Resident Archivist


“I really enjoy that clicking, buzzing sound that seems to emanate from the boiler room. Don’t know if that really counts. Other than that, probably reed flutes and classical piano flute music.”                                                                                                 

–Broom Closet Sasquatch

“I haven’t been able to listen to music the same way since I blasted Billy Joel`s “Miami 2017” over C-SPAN and found out that all the real scientists moved to Pluto in 2006 to escape the effects of global warming, and labeled it a “dwarf planet” to throw us off the scent.”                                                                                                                              

–Furnace Dragon

What’s your favorite movie, or movie series? How about your favorite Actor or Director? Favorite Film Genre?

“You’ve Got Mail! That’s my favorite movie. It has Tom Hanks in it, and Meg Ryan[?]”

–Mail Room CEO


“Anything and everything by M. Night Shyamalan. The man is simply a genius, maybe even the answer to the problems in the Middle East… Only time will prove me right”

–Resident Archivist

“I love 90’s movies for their sheer apathy and nihilistic plotlines. I am huge fan of the Big Lebowski. I also really like Tarantino films but somehow I’ll still cry when I hit animals with my car.”                                                                                                  

–Mail Room Subordinate

“I’ve never watched any movies other than BBC and NatGeo documentaries. But my favorite actor is definitely Leonardo DiCaprio, mostly because he spoke out about climate change at the Oscars.”                                                                              

–Broom Closet Sasquatch

“Any movie where a zany family packs up their automobile of choice and takes off on the vacation of a lifetime is simply a masterpiece. The driven yet doofy dad, the apathetic yet troublesome teenager with essential family values to learn, an inevitable belly-up grandparent- it gets me every time. Each one is such a fresh and spectacular addition to the genre. Really, I feel their pilgrimage is symbolic of the journey each of us must take to find who we truly are, lighting out into the unknown like our ancestors before us, blind to the wreckage we may cause due to the ethereal glow of the American dream we’re all reaching for. Snow Buddies was pretty good too.”                                            

–Furnace Dragon

What’s your favorite kind of Mac & Cheese?

“Who doesn’t love those little macaronis that are shaped like Spongebob characters? Then you can delight as you bite their little tiny heads off, and impale them with your fork. I mean, who didn’t dream of murdering Squidward and eating him as a child? Calamari, man.”                                                                                                                          

–Kitchenette Intern

“I don’t know if this counts, but those little white maggots are great. They’re shaped like Macaroni, they kind of have the same squishy consistency, and if you put enough cheese on them, you don’t notice the difference! Sure they’re a little wiggly but that’s part of the fun!”                                                                                                                            

–Resident Archivist

“Ignore whatever the Kitchenette Intern and Resident Archivist say. They’re really weird. Spongebob macaroni tastes awful. And just… oh god what is wrong with the archivist. Personally, my favorite is the classic Kraft macaroni and cheese. I can eat a whole goddamn box by myself.”                                                                                                    

–Head Chef

“I have a gluten intolerance, and I am also a vegan who CrossFits and is on the Paleo diet. I don’t eat nuts because of their high fat content and anything green does not enter my body for I fear that it will turn me green. I won’t eat fruit because I’m not a nerd; after all I do vape. If you come at me with a banana, squash, yam, or tuber of any sorts you’re as good as dead my friend. My diet strictly consists of raisins and water. So in short, I don’t eat macaroni, but I would be open to raisins shaped like macaroni.”

–Mail Room Subordinate

“You really wouldn’t think it, but when you’re running low on pasta, cheese goes really nice with PVC piping in a pinch. Also, of course, interns are a good standby.”

–Furnace Dragon

Thanks for joining us in this first installment of  Corridor ConversationWe hope you enjoyed our new, original section and I look forward to wondering around Macaroni HQ to interview our employees. This was also a great chance for me to cautiously venture out of the Mail Room and learn more about our oh-so-excellent office. For example, did you guys know the Furnace Dragon could speak?

Thanks for reading.

–Mail Room VP

Corridor Conversation: Music, Movies, and Macaroni

3 thoughts on “Corridor Conversation: Music, Movies, and Macaroni

  1. obeseostrich says:

    After reading this article, I would like to start a petition to have the resident archivist removed from this establishment, and possibly euthanized.


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