As most of you are aware, the Sasquatch is one of the oldest members of our writing team, as he was found living in the dumpster when the organization started. Although he has long claimed to be a member of the mythical species of Bigfoot, new evidence suggests that he may in fact simply be a hairy homeless man with a gland problem. Obviously we are inspecting this to the best of our ability in order to get to the bottom as quick as possible. Such allegations would explain a number of his strange behaviors, such as his consumption of minimal food, reluctance for bathing in state of the art facilities, preferring to clean himself in the river, and why he was living in a dumpster in the first place. He of course claims that he was simply in town visiting a relative and usually lived in the forest. This would also explain why he appears to have several mental deficiencies, especially his tendency to believe in wild conspiracies and his “conversations” with the furnace dragon, despite its inability to comprehend any known language. If anyone reading this has any information that may be helpful towards our investigations, please inform us immediately, as we are afraid he may be working with the NHS to infiltrate and destroy our prestigious organization.