Obama Moves to Cuba

As of yesterday, the United States has entered a state of anarchy as its president, Barack Obama, has abdicated to the political haven of Cuba. There he will join a group of overshadowed world leaders who are just waiting for their careers to fade like a Carribean sunset. A group that includes Steven Harper of Canada, Fidel Castro of the house down the road, and yours truly Adolf Hitler is prepared to welcome President Obama at his arrival scheduled for tomorrow at 6:00 PM Cuban time.

Probably the hardest thing Mr. Obama had to do in making the transition was handing the presidency over to his daughter, Sasha. Candidates in this upcoming election cycle will likely not know the difference, though. “Businessman” Donald Trump has already made it clear that he doesn’t know what is going on. Ted Cruz simply wishes he was a Cuban as Mr. Obama. Angela Merkel of Germany even weighed in saying, “had I known leaving for Cuba was an option, I’d reek of cigars and pickles by now.”

In an attempt to prove that Cuba is now open for trading, former President Barack Obama traded himself to the island nation in exchange for the first round of this year’s Major League Baseball draft. Most can agree that a wave of power hitting shortstops is a fair exchange for a lame duck president, especially the most important government department, the New York Yankees. With the trading now in full swing, Cuba may be transported from the 1950’s to present day and the US might finally stop living in the 1840’s south.

Steven Harper, former Primer Minister of Canda, has expressed empathy for the president whose voice has been drowned by radical new leadership. Justin Trudeau, he claims, is simply Bernie Sanders if Bernie Sanders were actually Benjamin Button. Castro also supported Mr. Obama’s decision, mostly because he is desperate to fill the hole that Che left in his heart decades ago.

As for the power vacuum that now exists in the United States, well, most of it can be filled by Mr. Trump’s ego. The rest, however, should remain in anarchy because hey why not? If we took the north and gave it Donald Trump and let the south become a real life Mad Max film, who really won the election? I’ll tell you who. Former President Barack Obama.

-Intern #216

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Obama Moves to Cuba

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