Head Chef Develops Fire Retardant Coats

Breaking News: Our own Head Chef has developed a line of fire retardant clothing. I got a quick interview with him to learn more about it.


Mail Room VP: “How do your prevent this clothing from combusting at high temperatures?”

The Head Chef: “I made them using wool.”

MRVP: “But isn’t wool flammable?”

THC (whoops): “Oh, well of course. I’ve invented a special kind of flame-ignorant wool, which I’ve used to make the clothing.”

MRVP: “Flame-ignorant?”

THC: “Yes. I raise my own sheep from birth, never exposing them to the concept of fire. They are contained in a special, windowless room that holds no form of fire, or even heat. Don’t worry, their wool keeps them warm.”

“The room doesn’t even contain electric lighting. Instead I light the room with only glow in the dark-paint, which I also feed to the sheep to improve their night-vision. It’s science! And when the sheep are sheared I use the wool to make clothing.”

MRVP: “But how does that make the wool flame-ret–”

THC: “Flame-ignorant.”

MRVP: “Right. How does the wool become flame-ignorant?”

THC: “The answer is simple: since the sheep have never seen fire, their wool doesn’t know how to respond to the intense heat. So when the wool is exposed to fire, it does nothing. Except glow. That’s a side-effect of eating glow-in-the-dark paint.”

MRVP: “Amazing! Is there anything ignorance can’t do?!”


–Mail Room VP

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Head Chef Develops Fire Retardant Coats

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