Students came in this week to see their school in shambles, and not the usual variety. An unwieldy tree rooted to the stage, hundreds of tulips sprouting out of crevices around the school, and rainwater funneling down into the building, via the upstairs lockers (although, granted, the latter is a weekly occurrence) was just some of the damage discovered early Monday morning. It wasn’t until sixth period that the source of these agricultural disturbances finally uncovered, when the unearthly figure of an old man was seen hovering above the express line in the cafeteria. The ghostly old man, revealed to be Robert Frost through a swift google image search, was apparently using his ghostly abilities to change the station on the TV, but eventually flew off in frustration upon seeing that the Discovery Channel was only about mermaids and pawnbrokers.
It is suspected that the ghost of Robert Frost first came to inhabit the halls of Greenville sometime early Saturday morning, which was the late poet`s 142nd birthday. The first reported sighting of Greenville`s latest super natural inhabitant was by one particularly sleep deprived member of the musical, who had come in early to school on Saturday to help with set building. This student, who initially dismissed the sighting as a diluted hallucination, claims that they witnessed Frost disgustedly inspecting the library`s skimpy selection as they were entering the building.
Most students, used to structural insufficiencies in the school by now, have regarded the phantom poet and the subsequent damages as nothing more than simply a considerable speck. Vegetation has overtaken some of the the partition walls between certain classrooms, crumbling away the aged material unforgivably. Clearly, someone doesn’t love walls, or just thinks that teachers like Thela and Katagiri or Toohey and Hamilton need to unite their teaching efforts. Frost`s haunting has ransacked the majority of the school in one way or another; only desert places such as the section of the gym adjacent to the girl`s locker room seem to be spared, most likely as it has already returned to nature as a mountain farm.
Strangest of all this week`s events, however, seems to be the sudden regrowth of Clarence, a long-dead apple tree residing in a lonely and forgotten corner of Mr. Davidson`s room. “Honestly, I didn’t really think anything of the ghost rumors it until I saw Clarence.” a Latin veteran professed, continuing that “leaking lockers, lighting failures, and plants in weird places is to be expected at this point, but a zombie tree is the real deal.”
The Macaroni Report`s own Intern 957 was sent to get an exclusive interview, and after downloading three different ghost-detecting apps and following the unmistakable sound of manual labor (rare at Greenville), the ghostly Frost was located up Ms. Sharkey’s room, trying to pry open one of the newly renovated windows past its three inches of airflow space.
Intern 957: Mr. Frost…? Why are you messing with the window?
The Ghost of Robert Frost (gruffly): The only way out is through!
Intern 957: Okay, I guess that makes sense. If you don`t mind me asking, why did you pick to haunt Greenville school? Isn`t the sewer construction down in town more destructive to like, nature or whatever?
GORF: I am not here as a teacher, but as an awakener! After leaving earth awhile, I am here to begin my work over.
Intern 957: Your work? Didn`t you write poetry, not poorly eco-terrorize schools?
GORF (mumbling, repeatedly): …Miles to go before I sleep…
Intern 957:…I’m going to go now.
For now, the ghost is rumored to have retreated to the depths of the ag department with the rabbits and soothing sounds of industrial toil, but it is unclear how long he plans to remain at Greenville and, despite Intern 957`s efforts, what exactly enacted Frost`s fury down upon the school. Several current theories include the Broom Closet Sasquatch, who is suspected to have raised Frost in an elaborate seance after hearing of plans to print a Macaroni Monday in non-microscopic font.
In the event any readers are confused if they`ve seen the ghost for themselves, or just a rogue substitute teacher, we would like to leave you some pictures to help identify him with.