Today the Macaroni Critique has an amazingly amazing new product to critique, the Davidson Brand™ Hockey-mask. This amazing new product was created by none other than the Latin teacher himself. We tried to catch up with him for an interview, but he declined because he didn’t trust the “Twitterboxes” we were recording with. The Davidson Brand™ Hockey-mask is not just any hockey-mask, it’s the best hockey-mask! It is completely wrapped in duct-tape to make it tougher and more terrifying. This is a great product for scaring children on Halloween night!* This hockey mask is also guaranteed to make you speak Latin fluently within 30 days, or we’ll give you a full refund!** I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want to speak a dead language fluently? No longer do you have to settle for regular old smelly hockey masks to go on a murdering rampage on the night of October 31st, you can now have an extraordinary old smelly hockey mask to go on a murdering rampage on the night of October 31st!*** The Davidson Brand™ is well known for its high-quality products, as anything that doesn’t live up to quality control or has sharp edges is purged from his library/manufacturing plant and given to young schoolchildren. (The Macaroni Report recommends that you do not take any aging books or magazines that Mr. Davidson may offer you, as their is suspicion that they are contaminated with asbestos, lead, and Chlamydia).
These amazing products can be ordered online, or purchased from the man himself at his underground black market run out of his storage cabinet. Look for the telephone that is hanging broken off the wall to know you’re in the right place. Also bring cash, and make sure you aren’t followed.
Prices may vary.