Editor Note: This article is unrelated to the one just before it titled “NHS: The lizards behind the mask”. This is satire, the other was not.
Recently new evidence has come in: there is a mysterious mastermind within the NHS illuminati that ranks above even Mr. Albright himself. We have definitive proof of this being’s existence, and we even have a suspicion of who it may be. Click read more to learn the truth!
It was witnessed on the morning of April 6th. Mr. Albright was in the middle of brainwashing a class of helpless Juniors to serve the illuminati and review for their AP exams when the ding of an office call went off. While most people choose to ignore these announcements, as they usually only broadcast school district propaganda, Albright quieted the class with these words:
“Wait, I hear the Master’s bell ringing.”
Well, there you have it folks, the villainous lizard person named Mr. Albright has an evil Master (capital M) who he serves with fevered passion. This evil supreme leader may or may not have been behind the attempted arson of the middle school boys bathroom.
The Macaroni currently has suspicions of who this reptilian overlord may be. The current popular theory among the Macaroni interns is that the Master is Mr. Hilgendorf, who infiltrated the highest level of school control within a suspiciously short period of time. One Boiler Room intern has even claimed that he saw Mr. Hilgendorf flicking out a forked tongue as he entered the faculty bathroom. But since when did we trust the rank-and-file Macaroni interns to make smart decisions, and since when did we trust the Boiler Room interns, who haven’t yet figured out how to close the Furnace door? I, however, have my own theory: I believe that this mysterious Master is actually Ms. Statham, who controls the speakers to every room in the school. It would be quite easy for her to broadcast NHS propaganda to various classrooms without the school leaders noticing, and it explains the suspicious amount of time she has spent near Mr. Hilgendorf’s office for the last year (is it possible that he is actually a puppet leader, and that she has been controlling the school all along?).
Alas, all these theories do not matter, for in the end they are just that: theories. The Macaroni Report will continue to explore various different possibilities of who or what this “Master” is. Don’t worry, we even have the Broom Closet Sasquatch on the case. But for now, beware whatever the NHS says. Don’t listen to their offers of community service hours, these are certainly traps.
Beware the Master.