Nothing has happened, sources confirm

At eleven o’clock Thursday morning in the library at Greenville High school nothing happened to any particular person. More than one source can now confirm that not much at all was going on late this morning. The climax was rather anti-climatic and the situation has been resolved in a polite and traditional manner.

Events did not get out of hand as a few more nobodies joined the scene. The progress was steady and uneventful and no one seemed to make much of the entire ordeal. No superlative senior or standout freshman took any stock in the ordinary goings-on as no one seemed interested in making any kind of contribution to the already uncreative circumstances. It appeared as if everyone involved felt perfectly content with remaining within the status quo. By the end of the event, no boundaries had been pushed and no bars had been raised.

In what was an otherwise lackluster day, the unhappenings provided a refreshing constancy of pace. The lack of change was such a change and the boredom gave the entire situation an ambivalent sense of apathy. On a backdrop of uninteresting landscapes and inaudible sounds, the events of this morning were not in any way particularly exciting.

When the Macaroni Report went to press, there still wasn’t much going on. Which is rather reassuring knowing that mediocrity will win today just as it has won every other day our lives, so an aloof outlook is advised as the week ahead looks to be much of the same. A bunch of nothing is headed your way dear reader.

Nothing has happened, sources confirm

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