Breaking News: Greenville Loses Easter!

It has recently come to our attention that Easter has been lost. That’s right kids, the Greenville Board of Education has managed to lose a holiday, and the mass panic following this incident led to a series of rash decisions.

Just a few days ago intern reporter #23 managed to hunt down an anonymous leader of the Greenville school system and request an interview. When asked about the incident, this anonymous being responded “We kind of panicked when we lost Easter. We couldn’t find out what day it was gonna come back. This naturally led to panic, as we didn’t know when to set out Easter break. We were in total panic mode, so finally we just had some random guy put his finger on a random week on the calendar, and we said ‘Let’s use that week.'”

Most Greenvillians could guess that this was the method of choosing the week of Easter break, as the chosen week makes no logical sense and demonstrates zero foresight. Not only does the chosen week, the last week of April, not coincide with Easter, it also is the week right before AP and IB exams. That means that kids will have a full week of going cold turkey on classes and review sessions right before a very, very major test. It also means that the IB English class will be taking their IB exam at 8 o’clock the first morning that they come back from break.

We highly suggest that next time that you lose a holiday, attempt to find said holiday before making rash unintelligent decisions.

-Kitchenette Intern

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Breaking News: Greenville Loses Easter!

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