Greenville Debates Nutritional Value of Cardboard

Due to the recent economic difficulties faced by Greenville High School, the school has decided that the most efficient way to save money is to find new alternative food sources. Because of this, the school has begun to devote research funds towards developing a one-of-a-kind, cardboard food alternative. This would not only decrease the cost of lunches, but some believe could also prove a good deal more nutritious.

When asked to comment on the success of studies, unofficial leader of the NHS, Mr. Albright, had this to say,

“Our most recent studies have been met with resounding success. As of April 1st, 2016, 9 out of 10 disabled orphans couldn’t tell the difference between their everyday serving of gruel, and the newly patented, Greenville Brand™ Imitation Gruel. Our recipe involves several hours of soaking in a salt water solution, before placing the mush into an industrial salad spinner and adding meat juice, leading to a flavor that can’t be beat. With these successes in mind, we should soon be ready to begin fueling the population of Greenville Central School.”


Although many critics have exclaimed their outrage over this new program, citing causes of “bland tasteless food”, “poor nutrition meals”, and “child abuse”, many see this as an improvement over previous meals, such as the Greenville burrito. Furthermore, the cardboard may prove to be a more nutritious alternative for students, many of whom have reverted to consuming vast quantities of junk food in order to survive the arduous trials of the day. With this in mind we avidly support the change, if only to add a more tasteful edition to Greenville’s repertoire. 

We would like to warn however, that due to the high level of involvement of the NHS in this project, students should be cautious before fully accepting their motives. There is a possibility that this is secretly a plan to cull the population of those who can not survive low nutrition diets. Or possibly that this project is simply so illegal that no one else is willing to work on it. So best of luck, and happy eating


Greenville Debates Nutritional Value of Cardboard

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