What are IB Courses?

BigMac initiative article #3.

If you are in tenth or eleventh grade and you have already made your schedules for the upcoming year, you may have checked off an IB course on the selection sheet. What is an IB course, though? What will you be getting out of it? Why did you sign up for something on your schedule sheet if you have no idea what it is? Ms. Palmer, the IB coordinator and known affiliate with the lizard NHS illuminati, answers these questions.

According to Mrs. Palmer, “IB stands for Illuminati Brainwashing”, and it is a program that allows people to become mindless slaves to serve Greenville’s reptilian population. “The program aims to takes those who flourish physically, intellectually, emotionally, and ethically, and then rework them to be subservient to the NHS.” People point out that we also have AP classes, though Ms. Palmer assures us that “IB courses are much better, as you get brainwashed by an awesome organization – the NHS – rather than by the stupid College Board, which brainwashes you if you take AP classes.”

You might ask, “Why should I take an IB class?” Ms. Palmer points out that it is beneficial because “some colleges now feature a check-box to check if you are a member of the illuminati, which looks good at heavily illuminati associated colleges such as Swarthmore and Columbia-Greene.”

The most important question you may have is how much will it cost? We don’t really want to answer that directly, but your second most important question may be how will your credits be accepted when applying to a college. Ms. Palmer says, “It has been shown that in some rare cases with some certain colleges, your credits will transfer if you major in the area of ‘illuminati studies.'”

You choose to put all the time in to do all this work now, but does it give you more than just a step into a better university? “It does something even better than that,” says Ms. Palmer. “It gives you a step up into the amazing organization known as NHS illuminati.”

Here is a list of the IB courses provided at Greenville:

  • How to speak your own language –Ms. Hamilton
  • How to speak someone else’s language –Ms. Fariso
  • How to speak a dead language –Mr. Davidson
  • The story of ‘Murica –Mr. Albright and Mr. Thela
  • Science to build illuminati doomsday weapons –Ms. Sharkey
  • How we are killing planet earth –Ms. Anderson
  • Illuminati math –Ms. Reyngoudt
  • Illuminati math the sequel –Mr. Russell and Mr. Evans
  • Bang on drums and make some noise –Mr. Meredith
  • Acting for dummies –Ms. Raskopf
  • Illuminati debate club –Ms. Anderson

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern

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What are IB Courses?

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