Breaking: Greenvilites across the school district are having their minds effectively obliterated by the latest happenstance in a long line of water related occurrences. What one might ask is the latest instance of Tom foolery? Chocolate milk dispensing water fountains. Yes, you read that right, the fountains here at GCS now dispense chocolate milk! No longer will the common folk of GCS be oppressed by the evil that is water (regardless of it’s importance in milk’s composition), and all it took was around five or so water main breaks over the course of a month as well as the much more widely acknowledged integration of cows into our water production and storage facilities. We here at The Macaroni Report recommend exclusively consuming this new milk from now until the stockpile of it in the pipes runs dry.
–Intern No. 834