Macaroni Critique: Richard Nixon Beach Tote-bag

What? Huh? Why do I care about a Richard Nixon Beach Tote? What the hell is going on? Yes, we did just read your thought process. Yes, we do understand your confusion. Yes, you definitely need to see this. Like, right now.

Look below to feast your eyes!

richard_nixon_beach_tote

Look at it. Look at it. Look at this magnificent Beach Tote. Stare in wonder.

OK, now that you’ve stared, lets get down to business.

Color Scheme: 

Brown and white isn’t exactly the greatest color pairing known to man, but we’re willing to give it a pass, because Sasquatch’s favorite color is brown (he says its the color of nature) and the Mail Room VP’s favorite color is white (the color of mail).

Image: 

Look at it. Look at it. Just look at it.          ….Tenouttaten.

Strength: 

Any internet-only product is likely to be really cheaply made. Like not China cheap, we’re talking Vietnam cheap. So don’t expect it to hold much more than the shattered remains of your dignity when you take this thing out for a walk.

Chest Hair:

We’re seein’ some mighty fine chest hair on this here tote. Even Chuck Norris would be impressed.

Richard Nixon: 

That’s one sexy-looking Tricky Dicky.

Final Verdict

Our final rating of this beach tote is a 1974 out of 10. We highly recommend that you buy this product. And don’t worry, we are not crooks: you can buy this product for only 3 easy payments of $39.95. Ten lucky buyers will get 18-minutes of white house footage as a free bonus.

Peace out, ya’ll!

tricky dicky

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern

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Macaroni Critique: Richard Nixon Beach Tote-bag

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