The Macaroni Guide to Serving Food at Parties & Such

Hey Macaroni reader! Are you hosting a food-based party or event anytime soon? If the answer is no, then why the hell not! If the answer is yes, then this is the must-read article for you! We’re gonna break down the dos and don’ts of food parties and food in general.

DO: Bacon

Don’t listen to the propaganda. Even though the attorney general says it’s a carcinogen, we’re pretty sure that it’s just a conspiracy led by the state of California, because everything is known to the state of California as a carcinogen.

DON’T: Pickled Beats

Just don’t even go there.

DO: The Dew

Rotten teeth at age 57 has never been more worth it.

DON’T: Ranch Dressing

Everyone knows that Ranch dressing is part of a worldwide parent conspiracy to get kids to eat their vegetables. We’ve all seen the Hidden Valley Ranch commercials. And it doesn’t even taste that good. Don’t drink the Kool Aid. Boycott ranch next time that you serve food.

DO: Macaroni & Cheese

Food of the gods.

DON’T: The Greenville “Burrito”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….NO

DO: Ice Cream, lots of Ice Cream

Choose any flavors you want, from Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to Bacon & Eggs (You think I’m kidding? Bacon & Eggs ice cream exists. For real).

DON’T: Trail Mix

Everyone knows that its just M&M’s with obstacles (not to be confused with Eminems with obstacles). Just serve plain M&M’s instead.

DO: Warm Fish Salad

Ha! Don’t get this obscure television reference? Well too bad!

DON’T: Flavored condoms

I don’t care what they taste like, raspberry-flavored condoms are not meant for dinner parties. And you probably shouldn’t be eating latex anyway.

DO: Rare northern Maine rock lobster scampi served in a Bacardi white wine sauce topped with garlic seasonings along with a side of Chesapeake-seasoned Iowa corn and slow-mashed straight-from-Ireland potatoes

A must have.

DON’T: Corndogs

Even if they do taste really good, really really good, don’t serve them, as they have been known to attract wild Rick Perrys, a highly dangerous animal that also happens to be a Trump supporter.

And one final DON’T

Do not dare serve this monstrosity.

death by jar jar

It’s a lollipop.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern

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The Macaroni Guide to Serving Food at Parties & Such

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