Macaroni Critique: Rose Brand™ Roses

Hey Macaroni viewers! You want to add some zest to your love life with some epic flowers? You could get some regular old roses, or you could get really awesome Rose Brand™ Roses! Rose Brand™ Roses are better than just regular roses. Why? Because Rose Brand™ Roses are 5.6 inches shorter than the average rose*! Also, Rose Brand™ Roses are the only rose brand in the known universe that offers crappy jokes with your rose. Every single Rose Brand™ Rose is guaranteed to come with one of three bad jokes. Wanna buy more than three roses? Well too bad, because you’re going to get the same three crappy jokes over, and over, and over again. The senior class got to test run these Rose Brand™ Roses at the final HS band concert of the year, when each one received their very own Rose Brand™ Rose for free! And you could tell by the looks on their faces that they loved them**. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want a Rose Brand™ Rose? You can purchase a Rose Brand™ Rose right here in school from the big man himself (*snickers* Ok, small man himself). One Rose Brand™ Rose can be bought for three easy payments of $195.95, or four years of indentured servitude within the Greenville High School Band.

Eat Responsibly

-Kitchenette Intern

*Please do not make fun of the Rose Brand™ Rose’s height. It gets very upset when you do that.
**Any reports that the majority of the band seniors threw out their Rose Brand™ Roses within 3 hours after receiving them are completely falsified.
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Macaroni Critique: Rose Brand™ Roses

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