Now, we welcome an amazing new product brought to you by the creators of the Russel Brand™ Trigonometry worksheet, and the Russel Brand™ IB Math Research Paper… sponsored by As Seen on TV… partially paid for by Mr. Evans… the amazing Russel Brand™ Easy Button! This easy button is totally, 100%, not-at-all just a Staples Easy Button that is being re-branded. This is Mr. Russell’s own patented creation. It’s truly amazing! The Russel Brand™ Easy Button has a special “Easy” function completely unique to its patented design. By hitting the button, it releases a recording of Mr. Russel saying “That was easy.” You can then cry tears of joy as you listen to that beautiful, beautiful voice*. It really is that easy! You need to get your own Russel Brand™ Easy Button, like, right now! 4 out of 5 math teachers (including Russel himself) recommend hitting the Russel Brand™ Easy Button shortly after completing a calculus problem to make students feel bad about themselv.. – I MEAN TO INSPIRE THEM! Not to make them feel bad about themselves, heh, who said that? Not me, that’s who! Anyway this is an amazing product! Purchase your own from Mr. Russell’s class today! They only cost one easy payment of a “missing” graphing calculator. Don’t worry there are plenty to find floating around (in the 100% real fake lockers, perhaps?).
We would also like to clear up some confusion, as recently there has been some confusion between Russel Brand™ and Russell Brand. We would like to assure you that they are two completely different entities. And we’ll prove it to you. Shown below, on the left, is Tadhg (no pronunciation given) Russel, the founder of the Russel Brand™. On the right is Russell Brand, a horrible imposter.
OK, who are we kidding, they are the same person. Never mind.
*The Macaroni Report is unable to verify whether the tears that you will cry after hearing Mr. Russel’s voice are tears of joy or tears of suffering.