China has recently joined the global trailblazers Germany and South Korea, and created select parking spaces, bright pink and 50% larger, just for women. The pink, of course, was a considerate move by the Chinese government, who knew the strain placed on women forced to park in zones whose decor clashed with their vaginas.
In the sausage fest that is the Macaroni Report, I feel I am the most qualified to give the critique of this new innovation, because while wings work far better than any puny gas-guzzling vehicle, I am, to quote a 2002 Academy Award winning masterpiece of a movie, “a girl dragon”. I know, I know… “Oh, sure, I mean of COURSE you`re a girl dragon!” It`s whatever. Sorry, my lady-brain is easily distracted…back to the parking lots.
On the topic of lady brains, the increased area for parking is only a good thing, because due to the lack of blood flow to the aforementioned area, females tragically have poor accuracy when it comes to most things, such as driving, directions, and politics. Additionally, they really can`t afford much collision insurance, or only 78% of it, due to their income.
However, it is too bad women will never be able to use these wonderfully gracious new spots, but at least they can look at them from the windows of their sparkling kitchens. In one parking lot in southern China, there are 8 new “lady lots” in with the old 370 spots of peen parking. Hopefully next, China will invest in a national program to give every woman a gps, so she can finally find her way to the grocery store and use these spots.
Sadly, it is to be expected that men will feel snubbed by this move, as the Chinese government has sexistly ignored their pleas to add viagra dispensers to parking meters. To them, I can only say that these separate but equal conditions can only improve their parking opportunities, as those careless females will finally stop taking their spots (sadly, the same can not be said for Juniors in the Senior lot at Greenville). Transgender parking spaces are expected to emerge sometime in the future as well, although North Carolina has already started to look into hiring specific tow trucks to take away any cars from spots they were not born with.
Finally, to all of you out there that for some reason think that China is “singling out one gender based on an unfounded belief,” to quote Donald Trump`s favorite line of Pulp Fiction, “Bitch, be cool.”