Hello, and welcome to another installment of games in review! This week, we are critiquing a wonderful game called Neko Atsume, that means cat collector in Japanese or something. But that doesn’t really matter because look, cats! Get lost in their adorable little eyes!
Game Description/Plot Summary
In this game you collect cats. That’s about it. You set out some virtual toys and some virtual food, you wait a couple of painstaking hours, and then you comeback and voila! Your anxious waiting has been awarded with a single lousy virtual cat! Later on you can use the currency system of dead fish and buy yourself ultra-premium food. This is a bad idea though, because there is one obese cat named Tubbs who likes to come and eat all your food. He only comes at the most un-convenient point, to crush your hopes and dreams. Damn you, Tubbs.
Can I get a shout of “nonexistent” up in here? [0/20]
This game has amazing graphics of cute little kitties that you just want to squeeze to death. Too bad real cats are a lot more ugly and like to crap on your floor. [10/10]
There is no such thing as gameplay in Neko Atsume. There is only a prospective game player who is forced to wait hours only to have their hard-earned cat food devoured and receive crappy gifts from a cat. Did I mention that the goal of the game is to collect these things that each different cat eventually brings you called mementos? They range from “cool” things like glow bracelets to the legendary ‘random seeds.’ Fifty hours of gameplay so I can stare at a virtual picture of random seeds. [5/20]
The game never changes, though collecting crappy mementos is surprisingly addicting. And let me tell you it takes a long time to get some of those suckers. Frosty can be a downright a-hole of a cat. [15/20]
This game is completely devoid of bugs. Probably because all the cats chased them off. I think one of them does bring you a cicada skin as a memento. That’s actually really creepy. It would be like if a stray toddler gave you the hide of his mortal enemy if we were talking about humans. *shivers* [20/20]
There are also these things called rare cats that you try and collect. This rare cat lineup includes Cat wearing baseball shirt, Racist Japanese stereotype cat, Tail amputee victim, Sphinx with hair, Bratty cat, Cat with cowboy hat, and Ugly butler cat. Oh yeah, and don’t forget about Tubbs. Mother F’in Tubbs. [10/10]
Neko Atsume comes out at a score of [60/100]. Not too bad for a game that caters specifically to future (and current) crazy cat ladies. Yes, this unfortunately does include approximately three quarters of the macaroni staff. But seriously, who can resist an adorable little puffball that leaves you dead fish? One of those puffballs even left me fifty fish one time. Someone was a busy little sucker.
So basically, get this game if you support the mass murder of aquatic animals.