Games in Review: Neko Atsume

neko atsumeHello, and welcome to another installment of games in review! This week, we are critiquing a wonderful game called Neko Atsume, that means cat collector in Japanese or something. But that doesn’t really matter because look, cats! Get lost in their adorable little eyes!

Game Description/Plot Summary

In this game you collect cats. That’s about it. You set out some virtual toys and some virtual food, you wait a couple of painstaking hours, and then you comeback and voila! Your anxious waiting has been awarded with a single lousy virtual cat! Later on you can use the currency system of dead fish and buy yourself ultra-premium food. This is a bad idea though, because there is one obese cat named Tubbs who likes to come and eat all your food. He only comes at the most un-convenient point, to crush your hopes and dreams. Damn you, Tubbs.

Plot

Can I get a shout of “nonexistent” up in here? [0/20]

Graphics

This game has amazing graphics of cute little kitties that you just want to squeeze to death. Too bad real cats are a lot more ugly and like to crap on your floor. [10/10]

Gameplay Mechanics/Style

There is no such thing as gameplay in Neko Atsume. There is only a prospective game player who is forced to wait hours only to have their hard-earned cat food devoured and receive crappy gifts from a cat. Did I mention that the goal of the game is to collect these things that each different cat eventually brings you called mementos? They range from “cool” things like glow bracelets to the legendary ‘random seeds.’ Fifty hours of gameplay so I can stare at a virtual picture of random seeds. [5/20]

Replayability

The game never changes, though collecting crappy mementos is surprisingly addicting. And let me tell you it takes a long time to get some of those suckers. Frosty can be a downright a-hole of a cat. [15/20]

Bugs

This game is completely devoid of bugs. Probably because all the cats chased them off. I think one of them does bring you a cicada skin as a memento. That’s actually really creepy. It would be like if a stray toddler gave you the hide of his mortal enemy if we were talking about humans. *shivers* [20/20]

Other

There are also these things called rare cats that you try and collect. This rare cat lineup includes Cat wearing baseball shirt, Racist Japanese stereotype cat, Tail amputee victim, Sphinx with hair, Bratty cat, Cat with cowboy hat, and Ugly butler cat. Oh yeah, and don’t forget about Tubbs. Mother F’in Tubbs. [10/10]

Final Verdict

Neko Atsume comes out at a score of [60/100]. Not too bad for a game that caters specifically to future (and current) crazy cat ladies. Yes, this unfortunately does include approximately three quarters of the macaroni staff. But seriously, who can resist an adorable little puffball that leaves you dead fish? One of those puffballs even left me fifty fish one time. Someone was a busy little sucker.

So basically, get this game if you support the mass murder of aquatic animals.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern

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Games in Review: Neko Atsume

2 thoughts on “Games in Review: Neko Atsume

  1. broomclosetsasquatch says:

    Don’t knock the random seeds man. They’re just about the coolest thing since cicada exoskeletons. Oh wait, you don’t like those either. Forget it. They’re the coolest thing since sliced bread. Although frankly I don’t really think its that great. Whatever. You say potato, I say potato. Wait that’s spelled the same way, so you can’t tell what I’m saying. Never mind. Speaking of seeds, did you look at them closely. maybe they’re something cool or useful, like venus-fly traps, or ivy, or lettuce. Lettuce is pretty cool. Frankly if anyone read this entire comment, you deserve a cookie. Or a memento. Anyways, Random Seeds FTW.

    Liked by 2 people

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