Hey, Macaroni readers! I’ve just recently recovered from being eaten in the annual Macaroni hunger games, and I’m here to critique something very important that really needs critiquing. If you’ve taken IB Math Year 1, you’ve heard of it. It’s called the IB Math Paper. I’m sure we’ll all love it! Let’s get down to business.
What is the IB Math paper, you may ask? Well it is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a paper about math. Any math topic you want, write a 10 page essay. And it can’t be like “dur, 4 cookies plus three cookies makes seven cookies.” No. It has to be like “craft a lognormal distribution and analyze it.” What is a lognormal distribution, you may ask? I wrote a whole math paper on them, and I still don’t know what the hell it is. Feeling scared yet? You should be.
Easy difficulty would be good, you know. Then you wouldn’t waste 17 days of your life typing “How do I math” into the google search bar like I did. After collecting data for 2 months, I went to my math teacher and then he looked at my data and said “you know, I literally don’t know what you can do with that data.” Just to give you an idea of how bad this paper is. On a scale of difficulty, it lies somewhere between ‘sprouting wings and flying’ and ‘discovering the exact value of pi.’ [0/10]
The people who enjoy this math paper are the same kind of people who enjoy staring at blank white walls for hours at a time and reading The Metamorphosis . [0/10]
As far as I can tell, the sole purpose of this paper is so that the IB people can laugh with glee as they fail all the young hopefuls who want to get their very own IB diplomas. A nefarious purpose indeed. [0/10]
Relevancy to the World
We’ll give this paper a 1 out of 10 in this category, because while the math that this paper teaches you will never be useful to you – NEVER – it does teach you how to cope with the cruel, cruel world out there. Nothing puts hairs on your chest like surviving the IB math paper. [1/10]
The final score of this math paper is [1/50]. This makes it have a lower rating than Getting poked in the eyes with a sharp stick, Watching Paul Blart Mall Cop on repeat for one month, Getting slowly torn to shreds by a rabid bear, and the Greenville “Burrito.” However, it does have a higher rating than Batman vs. Superman Dawn of Justice.
Please, never write this paper if you know what’s good for you. Now I need to sign off so I can return to crying myself to sleep thanks to the mental damage caused by this paper.