Veteran Macaroni Writer is sent on mission to conquer the Mythical land of Canadia

As many of you know, the Macaroni has been launching a months long scheme to dominate the entire world, and it has already met with great success and critical acclaim. Everywhere from Mexico to Pakistan has fallen under the spell of the official macaroni brainwashing (this service/product is patented) and become our slaves. Now the Macaroni begins the next phase of its world domination scheme: literal conquest. 

The first target is the supposedly mythical land of Canadia, which the Head Chef has had his eyes on ever since he popped out of the womb (or in his case, was dropped down the chimney by a large hairy pterodactyl). It is believed that he hopes to subjugate Canadia so that he may acquire a free lifetime supply of maple syrup, or whatever it is that overbearing leaders want. Assigned to this special task is our very own Furnace Dragon. Sending the Furnace dragon was a no-brainer because A.) she is a master of war and destruction and B.) we need to get her out of our HQ before she eats the rest of us and (more importantly) scorches our remaining upholstery.

Thus the Furnace Dragon was assigned to lead the first official Macaroni Canadian expeditionary force under the guise that she is “going to college” there (it is a well known fact that Macaroni interns do not need to go to college, because listing the Macaroni Report on your resume will instantly get you hired in most reputable jobs. It is also a well known fact that education is non-existent in Canadia). The Macaroni is  crew quite worried about her chances of survival, as early reconnaissance missions report that the only things that inhabit Canadia are bears and rabid moose. These missions also reported the Canadian inhabitants as “being so polite that any self-respecting satirical writer would puke” and being “way too obsessed with hockey.”

A small movement quickly formed in the Macaroni, trying to prevent the Furnace Dragon from leaving to the strange land where manners are more prevalent than sarcasm and brain cells are harder to find than Mr. Thela’s ever disappearing podium, but she took one look at the redneck hicks flying their confederate flags around her, and started packing her bags. It seems that moose trump Greenville any day.

Armed with only a week’s supply of food and a can of Eskimo repellent, the Furnace Dragon set out into the sunset, into a land that no human foot has ever touched before.

Rumors from British Columbia are already rolling in of a “massive demon that torches every beaver in its path,” so either the Furnace Dragon is already on a war path, or another internal gang war has erupted between all of beaver kind. Yes, those kind of things happen in Canadia.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern

Veteran Macaroni Writer is sent on mission to conquer the Mythical land of Canadia

One thought on “Veteran Macaroni Writer is sent on mission to conquer the Mythical land of Canadia

  1. idonotapproveofthatnickname says:

    Inital investigations has found that instead of macaroni or pasta products with their cheese, the barbaric beings of Canada eat it smothered beneath layers of fries and gravy. Total domination may be more difficult than anticipated.

    Liked by 1 person

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