Presumptive Valedictorian Decides to Major in Dance

Inspiration abounds in Greenville today after an emotional presentation by WWE Champion and former mustache wearer, Marc Mero. Mero not only provided the school with enough tears to fill an in-ground swimming pool, but with the inspiration to dig it themselves.

Now more and more students are choosing to follow their dreams, resulting in the most productive days a Greenville Senior class has ever seen. Now, almost the entire Senior Class, as well as a considerable amount of underclassmen, know exactly what they will be doing after high school.

There are many an admirable decision being made. More and more students are confidently deciding to follow the most ambitious of dreams. Aspiring student athletes are practicing more and more. Newly declared medical students are studying harder, and traveling far and wide to visit potential schools. And presumptive valedictorian of the Class of 2017 has been seen dancing in the hallways.

You read that right, the valedictorian, subverting all expectations, has decided not to dedicate his brainpower to a respectable STEM field, but rather go into the performing arts. The student says he went into senior year expecting to leave high school for a highly regarded Ivy League College, but realized quickly that all he’s ever wanted to do is dance.

The support for his dream began in Senior Seminar, where students are required to take a personality quiz to match themselves to suggested careers. As part of the results, the Myers-Briggs test revealed that professional dancing matched his personality well. So he decided, “To hell with it! I’ve never danced in my life, but this is my dream now. Thanks, Naviance.”

The lanky student was inspired today to follow his prescribed dream, and auditioned for next months community production of “Femur on the Roof*,” a Halloween themed musical about two lonely skeletons and their forbidden romance. He says the audition went well, and thinks he’s a shoe-in for the role of “Dancing Skeleton #4.” We’re sure this will  be the first on a long list of successes, and we encourage you all to support him this October.

Truly inspiring.

-Intern No. 572

*no relation to Fiddler on the Roof

Update on the search for Mail Room VP:

No new findings yet on the whereabouts of MRVP, but we hope that wherever he is, he’ll become inspired to not be kidnapped.

Presumptive Valedictorian Decides to Major in Dance

4 thoughts on “Presumptive Valedictorian Decides to Major in Dance

  1. idonotapproveofthatnickname says:

    Because the presumptive valedictorian is such an overachiever, he apparently is also opening up his own dance studio, The Krusty Krab, where he hopes to be able to freely experiment with all of dance’s most exotic forms. This will not only help pay for any potenial dance school he attends, but hopefully also give him a specimen for his Biology IA, such as herpes or chlamydia.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. obeseostrich says:

    There are recent rumors that the valedictorian is in the planning of opening up a second dance studio, entitled Weenie Hut Junior’s, that caters to an even more specific clientele.


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