Johnny Pockets

So I was in the cafeteria today, observing everyone instead of socializing, as per usual, and heard someone talking about something interesting as I went to leave the crowded room as the lunch mothers started moving all the tables around.

Why are pants without pockets a thing? 

At first I was wondering why this bothered the kid, but then it dawned on me, that I agree. Yes, I agree, this is a stupid article concept, but lets be real, if you know me, I talk about a lot of stupid stuff.

First of all, who started this pocket-less-pant trend anyway? A few years ago if I headed to the mall, all the jeans I would have would contain, no questions asked, front and back pockets. Now when I go to buy pants for whatever reason, the pants have these folds in the fabric that look like pockets, but when you go to put your phone or cough drop into these pockets, they don’t open. Your hand just slides right past the fabric and whatever you normally, safely put into pockets, fall on the floor for all to see. These pants sometimes do include back pockets, but that just sucks if you’re trying to sit down.

Also, why did these pockets leave the pant-fashion industry anyway? Who thought this was a good idea? If it’s “trendy” and “hip” to not have a pocket because jeans need to be tighter than skin, then I’m gonna have my own Boston Pant Party. New York Pant Party? …Greenville Pant Party..? Whatever, you get it. Such a revolution would include throwing all these pocket-less-pants into the harbor (aka the town lake, since we don’t have a harbor) in protest of industry.

Without pockets, it’s a pain to conceal stuff. Back pockets are just stupid; if you wanna hide or protect something, you’re not gonna put it where you can break it yourself by sitting on it, or somewhere where someone can easily steal it because no one has eyes on the back of their head. Except maybe bus drivers and kindergarten teachers, butthatsbesidesthepoint. I get sick alot in the winter; I could probably blame it on stress levels, not enough orange juice, and other kids getting sick, but in reality its all three of these factors plus I suck at a sleep schedule. So when this does happen, I carry lots 0f cough drops in my pockets to help stop one of those annoying cough attacks-but wait. 

Where can I put said cough drop now?
Obviously not in a pocket. 


So now they gotta go in either my backpack- which I hate lugging around – or in my pencil case – which has a bunch of pencils in it, and if you’re paranoid like me you’ll think the cough drop has pencil lead all over it or something.

And what about those kids with the car keys on lanyards? Now they can’t carry around their pride and joy dangling from their pocket because there aren’t any. This is sabotage by the fashion industry against teenagers with dreams. As the presenter said yesterday, “Dream BIG”. 

Well I dream for some BIG pockets.

Anyone who owns pants with pockets, please realize you own something wonderful. I myself obviously own pocket pants, but also a few pocket-less-pants (I’d say I’m a hypocrite but I kinda hate wearing them anyway so I mean); and I will never take for granted a pocket again. Shirt pockets are cool, skirt pockets are awesome, but jean pockets are a necessity.









Sock it to em; pocket to em.

-Stray Cat



Johnny Pockets

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