The latest iteration of Greenville School’s Spirits Week* has proven rather disappointing for this reporter. The festivities have gone on rather well. Despite the low-quality ‘Murica Monday, other days this week have been celebrated well. Students donned appropriately respectful and encouraging attire for a variety of cancer victims. Character day went well, save for one Forrest Gump fan sawing off his own legs to match the appearance of Lt. Dan Ice-Cream. And twin day granted us the pleasure of seeing multiple Siebrechts fast-walking through the halls.
And while these celebrations are fine and all…. where are the spirits? This being my first year at the Macaroni Report, I was excited to report on any ghosts I could meet floating through the dark corridors of the school. But I haven’t seen any!
I looked forward to seeing great presidents leave the afterlife to visit this middle-of-nowhere high school. I was disappointed to not see even a C-list president like James Buchanan haunt the seniors loitering on the bench. (I did notice Donald Trump visit for a time, but I’ve taken this as a bad omen rather than an exciting sight.) A Bill Clinton impersonator was also seen on Character Day, but his limited repertoire of Saxophone music made it clear he wasn’t nearly as cool as the real deal.
Specters bearing the appearance of our favorite characters were also nowhere to be found, despite our efforts to dress as them ourselves. Many impressive costumes were seen, including my lifelike portrayal of Flying Monkey #3 from the Wizard of Oz. I just wish I could have summoned the real Flying Monkey #3 from the other side to commend my home-made replica wings.
Short story shorter, not enough ghosts.
-Flying Intern No. 3
*Editor’s Note: Flying Intern No. 3 just flew himself right out of a job for basing a whole news story on an obvious typo. It’s clear that we are celebrating SpiritZ week, a more extreme version of the monotonous ghost-watching he describes.
Update on the Search for MRVP:
Traces of alcohol were found seeped into the hallway carpet near the scene of the disappearance. This clue has since been dismissed as a mess made by interns celebrating Spirits week in a different way.