Opinion: Global Warming isn’t really that big of a deal, everyone calm down

Okay so before I start, I need to put a disclaimer or something: this is a legitimate opinion article. Something akin to the Head Chef’s NHS 100th article-palooza that no one cared about, an article that actually expressed legitimate opinions and such. This is gonna be like that. Okay glad I got that out of the way.

Okay so to start I’m gonna come clean. You know how I’m supposed to be the crazy environmentalist? Well, that’s not the real me. It was a long-running joke between me and the other crazy animals that work this paper. I have a super-crazy environmentalist in my family, and I mean like super crazy. Me on the other hand? Not so much.

So the Broom Closet Sasquatch is shockingly not an environmentalist, shockingly enough. And I just wanted to come clean because the other day I heard that some people in the school were actually taking the jokes that I say to hear and starting to go the way of the psycho environmentalist. Please don’t. They’re JOKES. I mean some of it is true, like Trump is still a dick in my opinion and please don’t vote for them. But I’m joking about the environment.

I mean come on think about it people. A lot of the pro-global warming stuff is BS. I mean sure we’ve had a warm-ish winter recently. But a few years ago we got like three feet of snow in late-December. Now I’m no expert, but if the world was really getting super-hot, we wouldn’t have had that much snow. Seriously, I mean for all this theorizing, all you have to do is look out the window every once in a while and you’ll know some of this stuff is fake. This summer was pretty unusually cold too, so there’s another point against this global warming stuff. And anyway, I don’t know about you guys, but I wouldn’t mind some warmer winters (it means less of that snow-shoveling), so the way I see it, if global warming were really happening that would be a good thing.

Another probable mis-truth: polar bears. Everybody is like oh slow down global warming because it’s melting the ice caps and all the polar bears are gonna die. Well this is crap because A.) I literally just read a research study telling me there is more polar bears than there was fifty years ago and B.) there is still land in the arctic (shocking I know) so the polar bears could just live on the land even if all the ice did melt. This would honestly probably be better for us, because I heard that polar bears like to hunt people, and this would keep them away from people.

Okay so one last thing: everyone is going all nuts about us for burning oil, and I mean come on. People say that it’s not renewable, I mean seriously, how do you think it go there in the firs place stupid. Naturally, that’s how. So I mean, nature is gonna renew all this oil at some point anyway. But what do you want us to do, not use oil? If we stopped burning oil, we’d go into a huge economic spiral and our economy would crash worse than it did in the Great Depression. So I mean all these rich people out there advocating for solar panels are jackasses, they could survive an economic crash because they’ve got all that money stored up in hefty overseas bank accounts, but we poor and middle-class people, we have to suffer. Plus, it’s not like pretty much anyone can afford solar panels anyway, those things are more expensive than a year’s supply of epipens nowadays.

So basically what I’m saying is that I was joking, don’t take all of those environmental rants to heart, because I didn’t really mean them. Look, I’m not gonna hate you if you believe in global warming, but I;m just asking you to look around before you jump on the global warming bandwagon. I think you’ll see then that everybody is making a big deal out of nothing and calm down a little

Seriously people the environment is fine.


Opinion: Global Warming isn’t really that big of a deal, everyone calm down

6 thoughts on “Opinion: Global Warming isn’t really that big of a deal, everyone calm down

  1. You have a point when you say that global warming may not be true. Even I don’t believe we are at a point where we can say that “global warming” is happening, because the Earth has been much, much hotter just 4,000 years ago.
    But what is definitely not a hoax is climate change. You say that you had a warm winter this time, but just 3 years ago, you had 3 feet of snow. Two separate extremes within 3 years? That’s something you have to be worried about. Climate related disasters are dramatically increasing in both frequency and intensity and species are getting extinct left, right and center. Even if you don’t believe in global warming, look around (as you said). The world is changing, and fast.

    About polar bears; the numbers may be more than they were 50 years ago, but that doesn’t mean they are not in danger. Polar bears need ice caps to survive; they can’t survive on land alone. Ice caps help them find prey, and move around more freely over water surfaces since their primary prey are fishes.

    About burning oil; yes they formed naturally. It took them a FEW MILLION years to form. So, from a human perspective, it is non-renewable. While wind is generated every second, we cannot wait for millions of years for the oil that we use to reform. Humans may not survive for that long anyway.
    I agree with what you said about our economy crashing. It is unfortunate that oil is what is controlling a large part of our economy, but that is slowly but surely changing. Only if the change is drastic will it cause a situation worse than the Great Depression; gradual change is nothing to be alarmed about.

    Lastly, it is important for you (and everyone else) to realize that even if global warming/climate change is not real, it cannot be denied that humans are having a drastic impact on ecosystems. The fact that we can do things no other animal can has allowed us to expand and proliferate in unimaginable levels. That IS harming the ecosystems; most of them anyway.

    Feel free to do your own research on this. While I disagreed with most of what you said, I’m glad that you at least had an opinion and shared your arguments for this. Many people don’t believe in climate change because apparently “it is a hoax propagated by the Chinese”.

    Cheers, mate. (Sorry if I got too harsh somewhere. Didn’t mean to be very critical. I had to respond in detail because I am a student of ecology and environmental science. My conscience wouldn’t let me ignore this).


  2. idonotapproveofthatnickname says:

    Does this mean the ecoterrorism, chipmunk hatred, and rapist winks were also just part of an elaborate ruse? This may be the biggest conspiracy of them all.

    Liked by 1 person

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