Archaeologists discover derelict, abandoned Macaroni offices

In a shocking turn of events, a team of highly respected archaeologists have made an amazing discovery. They have found the ruins of what once was the first and only Macaroni Report offices to date.

This was of course a shock, as the legendary offices of the not so legendary Macaroni Report had been only mentioned in rumors for quite a long time. The last known article by the Macaroni Report staff was published six decades ago, or seven days in Greenville student sitting through calculus time. It was presumed that the offices had been lost to fire many years ago, but the cunning archaeologists finally managed to find the lost offices, finally discovering the long lost treasure that everyone had hoped would stay lost.

The archaeologists made many amazing discoveries. They found references to strange animals that once walked the earth, such as an obese ostrich (once known for its speedy writing ability, this was obviously one of the first casualties in the downfall of the Macaroni), a furnace dragon (currently believed to have migrated to Canadia before dying out as it competed for prey with another top predator, the Wayne Gretzsky [we don’t give a shit if that is the proper spelling or not]), and even the deadly fabled Broom Closet Sasquatch, an organism that was clearly and luckily wiped out over 50 years ago by the great chipmunk epidemic.

So many discoveries of little to no importance were made. Here was found the great first computer that was used to post the first Macaroni article, a magnificent piece that will certainly be perfect collecting dust in the bottom of the Head Archaeologist’s trash can. There was found the last remaining flyer of the Macaroni distributed around Greenville a long, loong time ago (in a pinch, it made a usable tissue for that very same head archaeologist when he needed it most). Even the corpse of the once not-so-great Head Chef was found, abnormally long nose and all.

With the Macaroni Report so long abandoned and not-article-producing, some have wondered if this team of archaeologists will restart the newspaper that no one ever has cared about, nor will care about. The answer my friends, is a resounding no. Why would the archaeologists waste their time on an endeavor that, if not hopeless, is certainly pointless. Why would these archaeologists waste their time so? The answer is simple; they wouldn’t of course.

The archaeologists have currently made the decision to burn the last remains of this once proud (proud of what is the biggest question) community of idiots and fools who finally grew up and got lives other than writing unread stories about the NHS’s reptilian supervisor. After all, no one needs nor cares about this discovery, so it’s much more efficient to just bulldoze over the remains and put a Taco Bell there.

Eat responsibly.

-Kitchenette Intern






P.S. Staff write some Macaroni articles!
Archaeologists discover derelict, abandoned Macaroni offices

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