A man living under the alias of “Brian Christopher Thela” has been accused of promoting anti-polish actions in his classroom. These actions include editing maps to read “German Territory” in the area of Poland, and mocking Poland’s weak military power. I’m here to defend Poland’s great name.
A Few Reasons Why Poland is Better Than America, Thela’s Alleged Homeland:
- The Polish Language uses 32 letters: Poland is literally so advanced that their people need 6 more letters than us to even communicate. Take that America!
- Poland was the first Soviet Satellite to free itself from communism: Yeah, and we still let Bernie Sanders run for office. Take that America!
- Jan Heweliusz, a polish astronomer, published the first exact maps of the moon: Poland knew their way around the big gray rock in the sky before the American colonists even knew the way around their own backyard. Take that America!
- Poland’s national symbol is the White Eagle: Clearly better than an eagle that has less hair than Mr. Thela. Take that… America?
- Poland is the 9th largest country in Europe: The US isn’t even in Europe. Take that America!
- Poland has the 2nd oldest Constitution in the world: The US is first, but as we all know: 1st is the worst and 2nd is way better than America at everything. Take that America!
- Poland borders 7 countries: The US only borders 2, so clearly the US has less friends. Take that America!
Verdict: Poland isn’t all that bad, based on my impeccable logic. Take that Thela!
“You can find me in the Vending Machine. –MRVP”