Literally the Top 100 Worst Things of all Time

So. Welcome to our list of literally the top 100 worst things of all time. These are things that I hate, things that I despise. And these are things that you should hate and despise as well. Because they are such hate-able and despise-able things.

Honestly, if you feel in any way offended by the true facts told in this article, feel free to leave a comment in the comments section below. I will enjoy deleting your comment because of my lack of caring about your stupid and wrong opinion. But first, to quote a fairly annoying man we all know, I will respond “WRONG”. Then I will delete you.

So. Start reading this list. Have at it. Try not to literally explode with all the hate you will be feeling when you read this article. Or try not to explode with joy, as you will be quite joyed to see someone finally say what all us intelligent people have always been thinking.

100.) The Jerry Springer Show

You know that when you find yourself knocked up and on the Jerry Springer show, you’ve really hit rock bottom.

99.) Chihuahuas

Every time I see one of these bastards, I just want to punch it in its ugly little face.

98.) Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Too bad even the world’s greatest crime-fighters working together couldn’t stop the world’s greatest crime directed at movie audiences.

97.) Pants without Pockets

Like Pants with Pockets, but so much worse.

96.) Bolivia

Go to Hell, Bolivia.

95.) Ballet

*Snoring*

94.) The Flat Earth Society

Self explanatory, really.

93.) Rednecks

There’s a reason why Greenville isn’t the “hip” place to live, and it’s not because of the sewage/drinking water (thought that is honestly probably not helping either).

92.) Bunny Rabbits

Bunny rabbits are always driving around in their big white vans abducting small children at Crossgates Mall. Not cool.

91.) Crows

So goddamn annoying.

90.) Tuesdays

Like Mondays, but somehow worse.

89.) Hawkeye

Why does he even exist? They could just call in the Hulk, or Iron Man, or Captain America, or Thor every time they have a problem. Who’s ever gonna call Hawkeye? Plus Jeremy Renner is ugly.

88.) Mayonnaise

No matter how many fucking times you say no mayo, there’s always fucking mayo on it.

87.) Ketchup Flavored Potato Chips

Canadian’s are so disgusting.

86.) Life

When life gives you lemons, sometimes you just cry because you literally don’t like anything to do with lemons.

85.) Mutant Bat People

Thanks for giving the bus garage workers an excuse to slack off and fly drones around our parking lot, mutant bat people.

84.) Greenville’s Track

Track? What track?

83.) Space Jam

The ’90s were a strange time.

82.) Walmart

Ever looked up those lists of people who shop at Walmart? Don’t.

81.) Kenyan president Barrack Obama

His birth certificate is written with lies.

80.) Jason Bourne

Nobody cared the first three movies. Just stop making these.

79.) Ted Cruz

Somebody please send this demon spawn back to Canadia before we all start growing humongous ears and randomly desiring to carpet bomb Syria.

78.) Pokemon Porn

I KNOW what you’re thinking. Don’t you dare look it up.

77.) Canadian Pizza

Arguably not even pizza.

76.) Mullets

1970 called. They want their mullets back.

75.) College debt

The future is a dark time indeed.

74.) Baldness

I generally like to not be blinded when I’m having a conversation, thank you very much.

73.) Pokemon Go’s Servers

Even Greenville’s wifi looks better by comparison.

72.) The Maroon Report

This is solely for the fact that you tried to absorb us. How dare you.

71.) Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe

They really should’ve shot this guy at the end of the play. Multiple times.

70.) Bowties

Nothing screams nerd like a dude with a bowtie.

69.) People who make 69 jokes

Welcome to second grade people.

68.) Richard Nixon’s chest hair

Somebody give that man a goddamn razor. I don’t care if he’s been dead for 22 years, give it to him.

67.) Bill the Cosby

You’re a dick, Bill

66.) Bill the Clinton

You’re also a dick, Bill.

65.) Hufflepuffs

Not only are they the only people who actually care about seeing what imaginary Harry Potter house everyone is, but they’re the only house that uses a freaking badger for their symbol. There is literally nothing cool about being a Hufflepuff. What even makes one a Hufflepuff. Why am I still talking about this.

64.) Cairo, New York

Not to be confused with the actually much cooler Cairo, Egypt.

63.) The Friday Night Intern Fight

Once it held so much promise, then it ended without bloodshed. Curse you Head Chef.

62.) Chris Christie

Let him be a cautionary tale of what NOT to do when Donald Trump is winning in the primaries.

61.) Fox News

Pretty much everything on Fox should be on this list.

60.) Vaccines

Because they cause autism.

59.) Calculus

*cries*

58.) Man Buns

Real men fucking hate man buns.

57.) Franz Kafka

The man. The myth. The Dung Beetle. It is he who has punished children for generations with his boring and pointless writings.

56.) Emus

Literally just fake ostriches.

55.) Plain Cheerios

The people who eat these also wear blank white t-shirts everyday and use internet explorer.

54.) Internet Explorer

The people who use this also wear blank white t-shirts everyday and eat plain cheerios.

53.) Slipknot

You know that when your introduction is that awkward, you need to die. Soon.

52.) Asbestos

A major threat to everyone, it is slowly leeching into young students within Greenville and killing them with Asbestos mutations. But who cares about that, lets build a soccer scoreboard.

51.) Lizard People

AKA Mr. Albright.

50.) Arbor Day

What even is this holiday? It’s a fake holiday designed to cruelly crush the hopes and dreams of the American populace, that’s what.

49.) France

Spent billions of dollars building a massive trench along the German border between the World Wars. The Germans walked around the trench.

48.) Tops Friendly Market

Friendly to all who don’t mind eating rotten produce.

47.) Delaware

Fuck you Delaware.

46.) PETA

Hey, you know I’m all for saving the cows and shit like that, but when it comes between me and a content stomach full of hamburger, I’ll kill all the cows in the whole damn world.

45.) Dolphins

We’re doing shitty stuff and making pandas extinct, when really we should be out killing these fuckers instead.

44.) Our dental insurance

To quote the Mailroom CEO, “we have dental?”

43.) Vegans

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU’RE A VEGAN, YOU DON’T NEED TO ANNOUNCE IT, CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

42.) The Head Chef’s Nose

#Roastathon2016.

41.) The Resident Archivist

Eating and enjoying grubs with cheese sauce is just a crime that’s unforgivable.

40.) Brexit

Point and laugh, Americans, point and laugh.

39.) People who don’t put tags on their Macaroni articles

You know who you are.

38.) The Greenville Boy’s Cross Country Team

Without Sean McAneny to temper the madness, these kids are just out of control.

37.) Americans who watch anime

No, ten year old girls do not have a D cup bra size. Take that shit back to Japan.

36.) The Downfall of Pepe the Frog

Fuck you, white supremacists. Ruining our good meme.

35.) Chipmunks

Just don’t even broach this subject with Sasquatch. Just don’t.

34.) The IB Math Paper

Just don’t.

33.) TLC

Once, many years ago, it was a place where children could go to watch educational television and learn quality knowledge. Now it airs shows like “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.”

32.) Nicholas Cage

There’s a reason that no one will be talking about National Treasure in ten years and it’s not because of Jon Voight.

31.) Love

We still don’t know what it is, so it could be bad.

30.) Getting Dick Pics from Anthony Weiner

put-away-the-weiner

29.) Michelle Obama

At this point though, I’d still take her healthy eating initiatives over the current prospects.

28.) Warm Fish Salad

STILL don’t get this obscure reference? Well too bad.

27.) Pidgeys

Nothing is worse than when you hatch a Pidgey out of an egg. NOTHING.

26.) Sam Rhine

But it’s still worth it for a trip to Five Guy’s.

25.) Pots

#Usepansinstead!!!

24.) Family Dollar

In the long history of Greenville’s many, many, many dollar stores, Family Dollar is by and far the worst.

23.) Rednecks

Sure they’ve already been on this list, but I don’t give a shit, they’re literally that awful.

22.) Broccoli

George H.W. “Daddy” Bush agrees – broccoli just sucks.

21.) Socks with Sandals

Nothing screams “I’m not even trying anymore,” like wearing socks with sandals. You might as well just go the route of euthanasia at this point.

20.) Door Stop Thieves

AKA the Greenville administration.

19.) Harry Styles’ Four Nipples

That’s not what makes you beautiful, Harry.

18.) Hot Tub Time Machine

A whole big load of what the fuck in one conveniently small DVD package.

17.) Frozen

Too mainstream.

16.) Fire Drills in Mr. Siebrecht’s class

Sure it seems like a blessing at first. But that’s before the ranting starts. And then you somehow end up with homework.

15.) Homework

Because 7 hours of school work a day apparently isn’t enough.

14.) Team Instinct

The Hufflepuff of Pokemon Go. Total dicks.

13.) Tractors

Nothing makes you feel more suicidal than getting stuck behind a tractor in a 55 zone. Except maybe being forced to interact with literally anyone who actually drives a tractor.

12.) This Meme

corndogging-for-dayz

11.) The Broom Closet Sasquatch

Sasquatch IS stupid.

10.) The NHS

No other organization makes you pay twenty dollar dues and then literally does nothing for the rest of the year.

9.) The Daily Mail

No other organization takes burst photos of random vaguely famous people walking, captions each of these photos with the same thing but reworded, and then tries to market the result as a “news” article. We see through your lies, Daily Sham.

8.) Millennials

Literally everything that they touch wilts and dies just like a Hipster’s homegrown Marijuana leaf left out in the sun.

7.) Men

Men in general are just douche bags. Fuck off fuckboys. #downwiththepatriarchy

6.) Greenville’s Water

Nothing satisfies your thirst like the thought of drinking your own shit.

5.) The Cincinnati Zoo

It’s just not the same…

4.) Canadia

No country could possibly be so horrible as to have scratch & sniff money, worship ketchup flavored potato chips, force feed their children shovelfuls of weed, and be populated by 86 trillion moose. Or so you thought.

3.) Hillary Clinton

*Flashes creepy smile*

2.) Donald Trump

That hair would be bad enough if it wasn’t also making a pathetic attempt to cover up the deformed, racist soul that lurks within.

1.) The Greenville “Burrito”

Instantaneous death in a tortilla.

 

Welp that’s it. As mentioned before, if you feel the need to disagree, please feel free to comment, cuz as website administrator I have the power to delete those comments anyway.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Dictator Supreme Overlord

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Literally the Top 100 Worst Things of all Time

4 thoughts on “Literally the Top 100 Worst Things of all Time

  1. idonotapproveofthatnickname says:

    What a coincidence you left off the real #1…people who censor the press.

    (As you delete this, why not also slap on a bowtie and change your name to Todd?)

    Liked by 1 person

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