So. Welcome to our list of literally the top 100 worst things of all time. These are things that I hate, things that I despise. And these are things that you should hate and despise as well. Because they are such hate-able and despise-able things.
Honestly, if you feel in any way offended by the true facts told in this article, feel free to leave a comment in the comments section below. I will enjoy deleting your comment because of my lack of caring about your stupid and wrong opinion. But first, to quote a fairly annoying man we all know, I will respond “WRONG”. Then I will delete you.
So. Start reading this list. Have at it. Try not to literally explode with all the hate you will be feeling when you read this article. Or try not to explode with joy, as you will be quite joyed to see someone finally say what all us intelligent people have always been thinking.
100.) The Jerry Springer Show
You know that when you find yourself knocked up and on the Jerry Springer show, you’ve really hit rock bottom.
Every time I see one of these bastards, I just want to punch it in its ugly little face.
98.) Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Too bad even the world’s greatest crime-fighters working together couldn’t stop the world’s greatest crime directed at movie audiences.
97.) Pants without Pockets
Like Pants with Pockets, but so much worse.
Go to Hell, Bolivia.
94.) The Flat Earth Society
Self explanatory, really.
There’s a reason why Greenville isn’t the “hip” place to live, and it’s not because of the sewage/drinking water (thought that is honestly probably not helping either).
92.) Bunny Rabbits
Bunny rabbits are always driving around in their big white vans abducting small children at Crossgates Mall. Not cool.
So goddamn annoying.
Like Mondays, but somehow worse.
Why does he even exist? They could just call in the Hulk, or Iron Man, or Captain America, or Thor every time they have a problem. Who’s ever gonna call Hawkeye? Plus Jeremy Renner is ugly.
No matter how many fucking times you say no mayo, there’s always fucking mayo on it.
87.) Ketchup Flavored Potato Chips
Canadian’s are so disgusting.
When life gives you lemons, sometimes you just cry because you literally don’t like anything to do with lemons.
85.) Mutant Bat People
Thanks for giving the bus garage workers an excuse to slack off and fly drones around our parking lot, mutant bat people.
84.) Greenville’s Track
Track? What track?
83.) Space Jam
The ’90s were a strange time.
Ever looked up those lists of people who shop at Walmart? Don’t.
81.) Kenyan president Barrack Obama
His birth certificate is written with lies.
80.) Jason Bourne
Nobody cared the first three movies. Just stop making these.
79.) Ted Cruz
Somebody please send this demon spawn back to Canadia before we all start growing humongous ears and randomly desiring to carpet bomb Syria.
78.) Pokemon Porn
I KNOW what you’re thinking. Don’t you dare look it up.
77.) Canadian Pizza
Arguably not even pizza.
1970 called. They want their mullets back.
75.) College debt
The future is a dark time indeed.
I generally like to not be blinded when I’m having a conversation, thank you very much.
73.) Pokemon Go’s Servers
Even Greenville’s wifi looks better by comparison.
72.) The Maroon Report
This is solely for the fact that you tried to absorb us. How dare you.
71.) Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe
They really should’ve shot this guy at the end of the play. Multiple times.
Nothing screams nerd like a dude with a bowtie.
69.) People who make 69 jokes
Welcome to second grade people.
68.) Richard Nixon’s chest hair
Somebody give that man a goddamn razor. I don’t care if he’s been dead for 22 years, give it to him.
67.) Bill the Cosby
You’re a dick, Bill
66.) Bill the Clinton
You’re also a dick, Bill.
Not only are they the only people who actually care about seeing what imaginary Harry Potter house everyone is, but they’re the only house that uses a freaking badger for their symbol. There is literally nothing cool about being a Hufflepuff. What even makes one a Hufflepuff. Why am I still talking about this.
64.) Cairo, New York
Not to be confused with the actually much cooler Cairo, Egypt.
63.) The Friday Night Intern Fight
Once it held so much promise, then it ended without bloodshed. Curse you Head Chef.
62.) Chris Christie
Let him be a cautionary tale of what NOT to do when Donald Trump is winning in the primaries.
61.) Fox News
Pretty much everything on Fox should be on this list.
Because they cause autism.
58.) Man Buns
Real men fucking hate man buns.
57.) Franz Kafka
The man. The myth. The Dung Beetle. It is he who has punished children for generations with his boring and pointless writings.
Literally just fake ostriches.
55.) Plain Cheerios
The people who eat these also wear blank white t-shirts everyday and use internet explorer.
54.) Internet Explorer
The people who use this also wear blank white t-shirts everyday and eat plain cheerios.
You know that when your introduction is that awkward, you need to die. Soon.
A major threat to everyone, it is slowly leeching into young students within Greenville and killing them with Asbestos mutations. But who cares about that, lets build a soccer scoreboard.
51.) Lizard People
AKA Mr. Albright.
50.) Arbor Day
What even is this holiday? It’s a fake holiday designed to cruelly crush the hopes and dreams of the American populace, that’s what.
Spent billions of dollars building a massive trench along the German border between the World Wars. The Germans walked around the trench.
48.) Tops Friendly Market
Friendly to all who don’t mind eating rotten produce.
Fuck you Delaware.
Hey, you know I’m all for saving the cows and shit like that, but when it comes between me and a content stomach full of hamburger, I’ll kill all the cows in the whole damn world.
We’re doing shitty stuff and making pandas extinct, when really we should be out killing these fuckers instead.
44.) Our dental insurance
To quote the Mailroom CEO, “we have dental?”
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU’RE A VEGAN, YOU DON’T NEED TO ANNOUNCE IT, CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
42.) The Head Chef’s Nose
41.) The Resident Archivist
Eating and enjoying grubs with cheese sauce is just a crime that’s unforgivable.
Point and laugh, Americans, point and laugh.
39.) People who don’t put tags on their Macaroni articles
You know who you are.
38.) The Greenville Boy’s Cross Country Team
Without Sean McAneny to temper the madness, these kids are just out of control.
37.) Americans who watch anime
No, ten year old girls do not have a D cup bra size. Take that shit back to Japan.
36.) The Downfall of Pepe the Frog
Fuck you, white supremacists. Ruining our good meme.
Just don’t even broach this subject with Sasquatch. Just don’t.
34.) The IB Math Paper
Once, many years ago, it was a place where children could go to watch educational television and learn quality knowledge. Now it airs shows like “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.”
32.) Nicholas Cage
There’s a reason that no one will be talking about National Treasure in ten years and it’s not because of Jon Voight.
We still don’t know what it is, so it could be bad.
30.) Getting Dick Pics from Anthony Weiner
29.) Michelle Obama
At this point though, I’d still take her healthy eating initiatives over the current prospects.
28.) Warm Fish Salad
STILL don’t get this obscure reference? Well too bad.
Nothing is worse than when you hatch a Pidgey out of an egg. NOTHING.
26.) Sam Rhine
But it’s still worth it for a trip to Five Guy’s.
24.) Family Dollar
In the long history of Greenville’s many, many, many dollar stores, Family Dollar is by and far the worst.
Sure they’ve already been on this list, but I don’t give a shit, they’re literally that awful.
George H.W. “Daddy” Bush agrees – broccoli just sucks.
21.) Socks with Sandals
Nothing screams “I’m not even trying anymore,” like wearing socks with sandals. You might as well just go the route of euthanasia at this point.
20.) Door Stop Thieves
AKA the Greenville administration.
19.) Harry Styles’ Four Nipples
That’s not what makes you beautiful, Harry.
18.) Hot Tub Time Machine
A whole big load of what the fuck in one conveniently small DVD package.
16.) Fire Drills in Mr. Siebrecht’s class
Sure it seems like a blessing at first. But that’s before the ranting starts. And then you somehow end up with homework.
Because 7 hours of school work a day apparently isn’t enough.
14.) Team Instinct
The Hufflepuff of Pokemon Go. Total dicks.
Nothing makes you feel more suicidal than getting stuck behind a tractor in a 55 zone. Except maybe being forced to interact with literally anyone who actually drives a tractor.
12.) This Meme
11.) The Broom Closet Sasquatch
Sasquatch IS stupid.
10.) The NHS
No other organization makes you pay twenty dollar dues and then literally does nothing for the rest of the year.
9.) The Daily Mail
No other organization takes burst photos of random vaguely famous people walking, captions each of these photos with the same thing but reworded, and then tries to market the result as a “news” article. We see through your lies, Daily Sham.
Literally everything that they touch wilts and dies just like a Hipster’s homegrown Marijuana leaf left out in the sun.
Men in general are just douche bags. Fuck off fuckboys. #downwiththepatriarchy
6.) Greenville’s Water
Nothing satisfies your thirst like the thought of drinking your own shit.
5.) The Cincinnati Zoo
It’s just not the same…
No country could possibly be so horrible as to have scratch & sniff money, worship ketchup flavored potato chips, force feed their children shovelfuls of weed, and be populated by 86 trillion moose. Or so you thought.
3.) Hillary Clinton
*Flashes creepy smile*
2.) Donald Trump
That hair would be bad enough if it wasn’t also making a pathetic attempt to cover up the deformed, racist soul that lurks within.
1.) The Greenville “Burrito”
Instantaneous death in a tortilla.
Welp that’s it. As mentioned before, if you feel the need to disagree, please feel free to comment, cuz as website administrator I have the power to delete those comments anyway.
-Kitchenette Dictator Supreme Overlord