Pokemon Go Idiot Stories

[Operation BigMac 3.0 – #3]

The very well known app Pokemon Go appeared in the app store on July 6th 2016, and was a huge hit within the hour it launched. Throughout the months, there have been some pretty idiotic stories about people being total dumbasses while playing Pokemon Go. 

Dead Body Found

While walking around in search of Pokemon (nerd), 19 year old Shayla Wiggins encountered a dead body (thinking that it might be a rare Pokemon, Shayla first tried throwing rocks at it, stuffing raspberries in it’s mouth, and eventually kicking it repeatedly in the hopes that it would actually move). Shayla told County 10 News, “I woke up this morning, and I wanted to go get a water Pokemon, so I just got up and went for my little walk.” The body was said to be floating in the water, initially giving the impression of a Squirtle that was just begging to get it’s skull smashed in with a thrown Pokeball.

Cliff Incident

In San Diego, two stupid people fell off a cliff while attempting to catch a frigging Rattata of all things. A couple of lifeguards reported the incident, in which one stupid person was found on a beach 80 to 90 feet off the cliff, while the other was found unconscious about 50 feet down. A sign posted on the fence lets the intelligent public know that the bluffs are unstable but the men had climbed over to find a Rattata. Seriously what the hell.

Loser Crashes into Cop Car

Driving and playing Pokemon Go is both very dangerous and very illegal (and very stupid), but that won’t stop every nincompoop in the world. A man from Baltimore was flying (no not literally) down the road staring at his phone and being a dumbass, and ended up hitting a parked cop car. He later admitted he was in a high speed chase with a zubat, leading him to pull a dangerous and frankly stupid as shit blunder.

Kayaking Ridiculous-ness

If there was a Pokemon gym in the middle of an ocean, any sane, rational, and intelligent human being might think, “why would I even bother, this is stupid.” Well sadly there was one in the middle of the ocean, and there’s also two idiots dumb enough to go after it. Kelsey Thomson and Lizzy Eden kayaked two days out into the ocean to earn ten fucking pointless Pokecoins.

This is stupid, no more stories about dumbasses.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette Dictator

Pokemon Go Idiot Stories

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