We’ve decorated Macaroni HQ for our upcoming Christmas Party, and it’s got us thinking. While the interns string up lights around their cubicles, and boiler room workers roast chestnuts over the furnace, we MailRoom Interns have been burning our eyeballs out watching Christmas movies. The three of us interns, the MailRoom CEO, and this mannequin wearing MailRoom VP’s name tag haven’t stopped watching our festive favorites for the past week. And it’s made us more productive than ever! Not in terms of actually sorting and shipping mail, but in terms of deep thought. Apart from glue-sniffing induced ramblings, this is the most active conversation we’ve had in a long time, and we’d like to share our thoughts with you. Here’s what we have to say about the portrayal of the postal service in Christmas movies:
Postal work is hard work. It’s a unique profession, unlike any other. So we notic when media doesn’t quite nail its portrayal. Christmas puts importance in letter-writing, as it’s the only way to communicate with the big guy up north. Thus, mail people can be seen often in holiday cinema. Here’s some Christmas movies, notable for their mailmen.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town:
The idea first occurred to us while watching the beloved claymation Santa Claus Biopic. While the movie is mostly concerned with Kris Kringle’s brooding origin story, it is bookended by scenes of a humble postal worker, who narrates the story. And by humble, I mean despicable. This wooden freak waits less than a minute before he starts tearing into the letters of helpless children, which were written for Santa’s eyes and Santa’s eyes only. While we admit that not all people who handle our beloved papers do so honorably, this is a horrible image for children in a Christmas Special. No wonder so many children have opted to correspond with St. Nick via EMail.
Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas:
Kicking off the second tale told in this warm and fuzzy family favorite, Goofy and his son Max chase after a mail truck so they can send their letter to Santa. After a zany pursuit, the mail truck stops when Max stands in its path. The postal worker asks Max to move, but doesn’t seem to really care. They wait there for another 2 minutes until Goofy arrives with the letter. This portrayal is absolutely ridiculous. Postal workers have places to be, work to be done. A real USPS employee would have flattened Max without a second thought.
Jingle All the Way:
Jingle All the Way is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s holiday family film. We thought it was a weird idea too. Of course, no Schwarzenegger movie could be completely family friendly, and Jingle All the Way is no exception. Next to the musclebound divorced father played by AHnold meagerly stands 20th Century Fox’s picture of a mailman. He’s a drunk, cynical, divorced, and chronically depressed package carrier. All things that we here in the Mail Room sympathize with. This is the closest Ho-Ho-Hollywood has come to giving an ideal depiction of mailman. Sadly, Sinbad proves to be a poor worker, tossing packages and envelopes left and right. MailRoom CEO audibly sobbed when the character issued multiple bomb threats using packages in his mailbag. No, package deserves this. Thankfully, the Holiday Movie Mail we’ve been hoping for exists in…
Finally, the perfect depiction of Christmas mail. When Buddy the Elf lands a gig in the Empire State Building Mail Room, a barely passable film elevates to tremendous quality. Between Buddy’s coworkers’ drinking, smoking, and scowling, we see the average day in the Macaroni Report MailRoom. The place is dark and lifeless, until Buddy arrives.
Buddy was raised with ceaseless joy, so he has no trouble creating it in this scene. Between the inebriated tickle fights and jubilant table dancing, we can’t stop smiling from ear to ear as this 3-minute scene loops endlessly on our workplace TV. This is our new favorite holiday movie for many reasons.
With MailRoom VP missing, this is the kind of pick me up we needed. Buddy brings joy into that Mail Room, showing those poor workers how to get into the holiday spirit. Color filling up a gray room. That’s all we could ask for this Christmas.
Thanks for skimming.
MailRoom Intern No. 2