Welcome to death my friends

Well, here we are. Bet all you voting peoples just feel stupid, now don’t you. That’s what you get dicks. You chose this idiot. Nice work

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Welcome to death my friends

Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews

In our never ending quest to improve the article creation facilities within our heads here at The Macaroni Report (and totally not rip off The Maroon Report even more) and by popular intern request, have decided to create our own “Games In Review” game reviewing closet division. The main goal will be to provide good honest reviews of everything from board games to triple A titles as to hopefully inform (and potentially sway) your interests and opinions whatever titles we review.

Click “Read More” to find out more about our reviews.

Continue reading “Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews”

Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews

Greenvillites amazed as fountains begin dispensing chocolate milk

Breaking: Greenvilites across the school district are having their minds effectively obliterated by the latest happenstance in a long line of water related occurrences. What one might ask is the latest instance of Tom foolery? Chocolate milk dispensing water fountains. Yes, you read that right, the fountains here at GCS now dispense chocolate milk! No longer will the common folk of GCS be oppressed by the evil that is water (regardless of it’s importance in milk’s composition), and all it took was around five or so water main breaks over the course of a month as well as the much more widely acknowledged integration of cows into our water production and storage facilities. We here at The Macaroni Report recommend exclusively consuming this new milk from now until the stockpile of it in the pipes runs dry.

Intern No. 834

Greenvillites amazed as fountains begin dispensing chocolate milk

[NEWS] Greenville Water Main Broken (Again!)

Breaking: Once again the next-gen construction crews of Greenville have managed to break the water main during their marathon production of no sidewalk. The break was announced to staff through an email around 10:55 – 11:00 AM and students were only notified 15-20 minutes later through a public announcement at 11:15.

We would like to make note that apparently the time that water must be restored by in order for the school to not evacuate is 2 hours, not the 45 minutes we reporter earlier. Either way however the water will still probably be brown for a solid 10 minutes (or however long it takes people it to start drinking the fountain water again) after the water is restored.

 

“Don’t drink the water”

Intern No. 803

[NEWS] Greenville Water Main Broken (Again!)

Changes and Controversy Come to Underwater Basket Weaving Committee (UWBWC)

[OPERATION BIGMAC] Struck by the distant but ever lingering 2008 financial crisis, the Underwater Basket Weaving Committee (or UWBWC) has been experiencing significant revenue and member loss after it was determined in 2008 that underwater basket weaving was and is still not a valuable degree to waste thousands of dollars on. Shocked by the discovery, the UWBWC has issued several statements in response namely in order to reassure members that underwater basket weaving is in-fact “still a valuable and promising degree for all your tropical themed careers”.

Continue reading “Changes and Controversy Come to Underwater Basket Weaving Committee (UWBWC)”

Changes and Controversy Come to Underwater Basket Weaving Committee (UWBWC)

[OPINION][100th Article Palooza!] NHS: The Lizards Behind The Mask

[Note: The Following is an opinion piece (the first I may add) for the new opinion category that we just added. These may or may not (but likely will be) factual. These do not necessarily represent the opinions of the Macaroni Report as a whole.] [This is not a parody.]

[Note: The following is an article submitted by a viewer of ours and once again, does not necessarily represent The Macaroni Report. In accordance with company policy, the name/identity of the viewer is not allowed to be revealed in order to prevent retribution. We hope that you are not an angry mob and are able to understand this.]

 


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(Source: NHS)

If you’ve ever ever been to a school hosting a local chapter of the National Honor Society, you’ve probably been told by some pretentious voice at one point or another (or at least assumed) that joining the NHS was either an important step or a necessary one for increasing, if not guaranteeing, your chances of getting into the college (or equivalent) of your dreams. You’re not alone either, as the general stereotype/stigma surrounding the NHS for most people is the same, so surely the collective masses can’t be wrong, can they? In reality, The truth is far from that.

Continue reading “[OPINION][100th Article Palooza!] NHS: The Lizards Behind The Mask”

[OPINION][100th Article Palooza!] NHS: The Lizards Behind The Mask

GCS Water Main break: The Clock is Ticking

UPDATE:

Apparently they’ll be able to fix it within 30 minutes. Time will tell if they do infact fix it in time.


 

BREAKING: Everyone’s favorite construction workers appear to have broken a water main while working on sewage replacement near the elementary school. Protocol requires the school day to be ended unless the problem is fixed within 45 minutes. Also, by the time this gets posted, it’ll be far less than 45 minutes.

Water has been turned off in the meantime so there are no sinks, water fountains, or toilets currently in operation.

THE CLOCK IS TICKING GREENVILLE.

GCS Water Main break: The Clock is Ticking