Local Citizen Starts Chess Club

[Operation Big Mac]

As Senior Citizen Joseph Johnson reaches the end of his seventh decade on Earth, he has decided to create a new way to enjoy his last years before the Reaper comes knocking. Johnson, a lifelong resident of Greenville, New York, has formed a chess club with his few living friends. These men meet every Monday afternoon in the town park, or the library “if it gets too chilly.” Member of the club, Jeremiah Smith, states, “It’s exciting to see Johnson take such a keen interest in something at his age.” Continue reading “Local Citizen Starts Chess Club”

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Local Citizen Starts Chess Club

Games in Review: Civilization (1980)

Welcome to the first review from the Macaroni Report’s “Games in Review” segment. Let’s Get Started. [Side Note: This game is played in Greenville by High School Senior Gabriel Patterson, and some other nerds that thought it would be like Risk. They are open to setting up games with new players.]

Overview:

In this 1980s board game phenomenon, players take control of ancient civilizations. The main goal is not to conquer the earth, as some may expect. No, the goal of the game is to become the most advanced civilization in the shortest amount of time. Does it sound nerdy? It really is

Continue reading “Games in Review: Civilization (1980)”

Games in Review: Civilization (1980)

Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews

In our never ending quest to improve the article creation facilities within our heads here at The Macaroni Report (and totally not rip off The Maroon Report even more) and by popular intern request, have decided to create our own “Games In Review” game reviewing closet division. The main goal will be to provide good honest reviews of everything from board games to triple A titles as to hopefully inform (and potentially sway) your interests and opinions whatever titles we review.

Click “Read More” to find out more about our reviews.

Continue reading “Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews”

Games In Review: Good Games, Great Reviews

Board Game Club Temporary Dissolves After Recent Allegations

As many readers of the Macaroni Report are more than aware, the collective known as Greenville`s Board Game Club, under the veil of “Masterminds”, has been operating unchecked for several months. In this time, they have pillaged the pizza supplies of surrounding towns, pummeled Mr. Drumma with an unrelenting stream of old people jokes, and most recently, unintentionally sparked the wrath of the real Masterminds organization, whose descent upon Greenville is still seared into the nightmares of many. It is only after the events of last night, however, that administration at Greenville have finally had to intervene.

Continue reading “Board Game Club Temporary Dissolves After Recent Allegations”

Board Game Club Temporary Dissolves After Recent Allegations

Fact: Lizard NHS Illuminati leader has been assassinated, Gang War ensues

If anyone has noticed, Mr. Albright, the US History Teacher/Lizard NHS Illuminati leader has been missing for the last two days. Now this could easily be a highly common sickness, or simply an impromptu vacation. However, we at the Macaroni are bringing you the truth about why this teacher has been mysteriously missing: there has been a power change within the leadership of the NHS illuminati.

There is a good chance that our poor teacher Mr. Albright has been assassinated, and we may never see him again. An unknown hitman, likely a lower-level member of the organization, has eliminated him in the hopes of taking his position. In actuality, however, a fully-fledged gang war has been ignited within the illuminati.

Mrs. Finch made a move on the leadership position, attempting to embrace her inner reptile, but she was taken down by Mrs. Kehrer, who returned to the school from maternity leave for her own chance at the spot (which is why Finch was “out sick” today). Mrs. Sharkey, angered by the loss of her friend, stole a podium from Mr. Thela’s war-room and vowed to use it to beat to death anyone who dared to oppose her ascension. This caused the usually docile Mr. Thela to rally the history department behind him and begin to wage war on the science department using his patented and trademarked ceramic turkey grenade.

We at the Macaroni Report highly suggest that you skip the next few days of school and bunker down until the war breezes over and a new leader is elected: that is, if you enjoy living. Until then please feel free to place bets in the betting pool for who will win the gang war. The current favorite is Mr. Siebrecht, who has been performing hit-and-run raids on the math department along with the crazy barbarians known as the Greenville Cross Country Team.

-Kitchenette Intern

Fact: Lizard NHS Illuminati leader has been assassinated, Gang War ensues

World Famous Masterminds come to Greenville, no one shows up

Dear Macaroni reader, if you have been keeping up to date with your macaroni news, then you know that Greenville’s “Masterminds Club” is actually secretly a board game club. However, Greenville did fall into some trouble after they found out that the term Masterminds Club is actually the trademarked term for a world famous underground trivia champions organization with the singular goal of training people to dominate GSN, Jeoporady, and then the world. In order to avoid any potential lawsuits, Mr. Drumma, the head of the board game club, decided to officially register the club in the organization.

Unfortunately, Greenville school was designated as the unexpected meeting place to perform their villainous trivia rituals. Worshippers flocked to Greenville from exotic locations around the world, including Bethlehem, Guilderland, and there was even a sighting of a rare and mysterious Duansberger. The unprepared Greenville school responded drastically, attempting to eliminate the influx of cult-members/nerds by feeding them their trademarked Greenville “Pizza” (almost as infamous as the Greenville “Burrito”) and blasting the movie The Incredibles on a loop for five hours straight. Alas, it turns out that these invaders had practiced mysterious dark arts that made them immune to the effects and/or taste of this “Pizza” (either that or they were very, very hungry).We’re still not exactly sure how they survived the Incredibles repeat cycle though.

The poor members of the board game club were forced to join in on the dreaded ritual known as the “trivia competition” (due to the presence of the quotation marks, we suggest that you do not under any circumstances attempt to ingest the “trivia competition”). Apparently, the Masterminds organization had done extensive advertising of their ritual session, even going so far as to hack the Greenville high school announcements and broadcast their propaganda across the eardrums of every student, teacher, and other random person in the Greenville High School. Alas, we here at the Macaroni believe that an epidemic of sudden temporary deafness syndrome may have overtaken the entire campus, because it seems that no one on the campus heard this announcement, and therefore, no one showed up.

Without any support from their peers, the Greenville Board Game Club struggled in a situation where they were actually expected to be intelligent. Few members survived these dark, seemingly satanic rituals, and the few that did remained very close-lipped about the incident. However, rumors still circulate of a terrifying incident known as the 715 to 0 defeat, which will certainly terrorize the dreams of Greenvillians for years to come.

Ultimately the Masterminds grew tired of their trivia rituals, and disbanded, returning to the hovels that they most certainly crawled out of, leaving nothing behind but the battered remains of Greenville’s once great board game club, and about 55 empty water bottles.

We at the Macaroni Report would like to give our condolences to any survivors of the incident. We are sorry for your loss.

-Kitchenette Intern

World Famous Masterminds come to Greenville, no one shows up

Board Game Club Faces Off

The “Masterminds Club”, which in an earlier post we uncovered to really be a board game club, will be having its second battle of its existence Thursday  (only one more match to go till completion). This time though, the battle will take place at our school. Will they bring a great victory to our school just like the boys soccer team? Or will they fall under the great pressure and lose horrendously like the boys basketball team? We will post the aftermath results here soon (or you could just come watch).

Board Game Club Faces Off