So. Welcome to our list of literally the top 100 worst things of all time. These are things that I hate, things that I despise. And these are things that you should hate and despise as well. Because they are such hate-able and despise-able things.
Honestly, if you feel in any way offended by the true facts told in this article, feel free to leave a comment in the comments section below. I will enjoy deleting your comment because of my lack of caring about your stupid and wrong opinion. But first, to quote a fairly annoying man we all know, I will respond “WRONG”. Then I will delete you.
So. Start reading this list. Have at it. Try not to literally explode with all the hate you will be feeling when you read this article. Or try not to explode with joy, as you will be quite joyed to see someone finally say what all us intelligent people have always been thinking.
Continue reading “Literally the Top 100 Worst Things of all Time”
So the day is here. And now by some weird-ass new New York state law, you can officially log your vote online. Even on the Macaroni Report! That’s right, vote for your favoirte political candidate right here, right now! Click here to see how!
Continue reading “The Day of Reckoning – Vote your conscience”
Well Macaroni readers, we all know that the dreaded day in November is fast approaching, and it’s likely that a large number of you are just as confused as this author as to what the fuck is going on this year in our political world. So, we thought we could maybe help you out, and we (by we I mean I, of course) put our noggins together to create this quiz, which tells you exactly which candidate you should vote for in simple terms. Amazing, right?
Below you can find a series of questions relating to major policy issues and such. Below each will be five different opinions to the answer of that question. Pick whichever answer is closest to your own opinion on the issue, and then at the end our advanced question formulator thingy will use your answers to determine which Presidential candidate is closest to you on the key issues. Easy right? Okay let’s get this thing started, simply click below to begin our quiz!
Continue reading “Quiz: Which Presidential Candidate should you vote for?”
As spirit week kicked off this year, there was a resounding difference from the previous years. Strangely, Color Day, a longstanding favorite among the Greenville student body, was thrown out of spirit week, to be replaced by the first annual Nationalistic Brainwashing Day, or “‘Murica Monday” as it is known by the Greenville student body.
Continue reading “First Annual ‘Murica Monday Proclaimed a Total Failure”
As the infamous election day in November draws ever closer, the legendary Uncle Sam has revealed to the public that he has been consulting his doctor about his options for a doctor assisted suicide.
Continue reading “In the Face of the Impending Election, Uncle Sam considers Doctor Assisted Suicide”
This just in! The Macaroni’s reporters in Philadelphia have officially reported that the history has been made! The democrats have officially nominated Hillary Clinton as their presidential nominee, breaking boundaries all across the board. When we asked convention goer Tara Jones her thoughts about this historic event, she said “Well, in the past, we’ve had a lot of male criminals run for president, like at least thirty. Now, we’re breaking boundaries for women! We’ve got to show them that we can be just as corrupt and power hungry in the political field.” The Macaroni can confirm that since everything from here on out involving Hillary is uncharted territory, we will keep you updated on every history-making moment in her coming campaign. Current articles in the planning include “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete two speeches,” “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete three speeches,” and “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to breath 10,789 breaths since nomination.”
Continue reading “Macaroni Politics: History is made! First female criminal presidential nominee in history!”
As the latest news rolls out of Cleveland Ohio, various RNC officials have come forward to speak on the future of the Trump campaign and the Republican party. RNC official Jim Gilmore was the first to come and speak on the subject. “Well,” said the former presidential candidate who, when he dropped out the race, was given the choice between jumping on the Trump bandwagon or being excommunicated from the party, “after three-months of tough planning, we succeeded in finally giving Trump the flashy-light-show-stage-entrance that he deserves. But we really didn’t have a direction after that. We figured that eventually Trump saying racist things and claiming to be the world’s smartest person just wouldn’t be good enough anymore, so we really dug in deep to create a solid campaign strategy.”
Continue reading “Macaroni Politics: RNC officials consider My Little Pony and KKK charter when creating Trump campaign strategy”