So. Welcome to our list of literally the top 100 worst things of all time. These are things that I hate, things that I despise. And these are things that you should hate and despise as well. Because they are such hate-able and despise-able things.
Honestly, if you feel in any way offended by the true facts told in this article, feel free to leave a comment in the comments section below. I will enjoy deleting your comment because of my lack of caring about your stupid and wrong opinion. But first, to quote a fairly annoying man we all know, I will respond “WRONG”. Then I will delete you.
So. Start reading this list. Have at it. Try not to literally explode with all the hate you will be feeling when you read this article. Or try not to explode with joy, as you will be quite joyed to see someone finally say what all us intelligent people have always been thinking.
Continue reading “Literally the Top 100 Worst Things of all Time”
Yet again, the NHS has exercised its sinister powers to acquire a new supply of human labor. A group of unsuspecting Juniors and a few Seniors participated were inducted last night. While the crowd of proud parents applauded, the thin cackle of the Lizard Illuminati’s Head of Human Resources, Mr. Albright, could be heard mixed in among cheers and clapping. Here are the steps these students took to add the prestigious cult to their resumes.
Continue reading “NHS Collects New Batch of Oblivious Human Slaves”
School has started back up, raising the average stress level of a Greenville student by 36% (73%, for the IB students out there, and 100% for anyone that has the deplorable sense to look a certain Latin teacher in the eyes). With so many grey areas in life, so many concerns, so many classes to sleep through and immediately lose the rubric for, we at the Macaroni are here to declare an absolute in this crazy, madcap clusterfuck. Here is an extensive critique of the upstairs Greenville High School girl`s bathroom, obviously for our target demographic.
Continue reading “Macaroni Critique: Upstairs High School Women`s Bathroom”
At last week’s Republican National Convention, Ted Cruz, best known for his work as a serial killer in the 1960-70’s as the Zodiac Killer, did something highly unconventional. During his big speech on the floor of the convention Wednesday night, live on national television, when the time came for him to endorse Trump he instead did something more remarkable and slightly less grotesque. Continue reading “Ted Cruz Peels Off Reptilian Exoskeleton To Reveal…A Remorseful Human Being?”
BigMac initiative article #3.
If you are in tenth or eleventh grade and you have already made your schedules for the upcoming year, you may have checked off an IB course on the selection sheet. What is an IB course, though? What will you be getting out of it? Why did you sign up for something on your schedule sheet if you have no idea what it is? Ms. Palmer, the IB coordinator and known affiliate with the lizard NHS illuminati, answers these questions.
Continue reading “What are IB Courses?”
Editor Note: This article is unrelated to the one just before it titled “NHS: The lizards behind the mask”. This is satire, the other was not.
Recently new evidence has come in: there is a mysterious mastermind within the NHS illuminati that ranks above even Mr. Albright himself. We have definitive proof of this being’s existence, and we even have a suspicion of who it may be. Click read more to learn the truth!
Continue reading “NHS Illuminati discovered to serve higher-up Evil Leader”
It’s that time again folks. I dug myself out of my bed of envelopes and packing peanuts to explore the Macaroni Report Office. While navigating the mazelike floors of our building I stopped to ask my coworkers and office inhabitants the NHS, Sasquatch, and Love. Let’s get to it. Continue reading “Corridor Conversation #2: Lizards, Legends, and Love”